Quiet Insanity
by michelletheslytherin
Summary: After nearly dying in Iraq Jace finds himself slowly going crazy, After checking himself into a mental hospital he meets Clary Morgenstern; the quiet insane girl who brings a light and special friendship to his Follow the struggle for sanity and Lots of AU/AW OC/ slight Violence and Bad language, cause really its
1. Chapter 1: New friends, good and bad

**A/N**

** Backround info: Isabelle Lightwood-Nurse at the mental section of a hospital**

** Alec Lightwood- Nurse at mental section of a hospital**

** Jace Wayland- Solder, now menta paitent (for good reasons I might add)**

** Clary Morgenstern- Mental paitent**

** Hodge Starkweather- Phsycaritrist**

** Mangus Bane- Mental paitent**

** Joclyn Wayland- Jace's mother.**

** Sebastian Morgenstern- Clarys older brother**

** Valentine Morgenstern- Clary's father.**

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><p><strong>All human, M for some mature content and language. quite a bit of both.. So. Disclamer: I own nothing, only the idea of insaine shadowhunters.<strong>

***This is an updated and edited re-post. Not a new chapter. All mistakes are fixed***

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><p>Sight was one thing we all took advantage of, being able to walk was another big one. But once you lost both, suddenly and violently you miss all the bad things: getting dirt in your eyes, crying, charley horses, you missed all of it.<p>

Being a solder I was always prepared for the worst. I figured that something bad would happen at least once, but I never, ever expected what I got. The doctors tell me I'm lucky to be alive, to be able to think, and talk. But sometimes I wish that I were dead.

The dreams killed me more and more every night. My eyes may not work, but my brain sure does like replays. Especially while I was sleeping. Every night, I relived the worst day of my life.

_"Wayland! What are you doing?" Sergeant Jakens demand._

_I looked out the binoculars again, trying to see if I was right, "Come see sir, I'm not sure," I said, handing him what I had been using to see off into the distance._

_"Oh come on Wayland, can't we just get back?" Someone complained. "Yeah, let's just go, he's been seein' things since we left that last place," Someone else echoed._

_"Shush," Sergeant Jakens demanded, "There's something there. Let's go, but eyes peeled men!"_

_We all got back in the jeep and started back across the hot sand. I watched carefully ,not liking what was going on, something wasn't sitting right with me. I looked around at the six guys I had just fought for my life with. We saved some kids on a "regular routine tour". I myself was on my third tour of duty. Most men were itchin' to get back home, to their wife's, children family's. But I didn't really have much family._

_"What was that!" Someone to my left asked._

_We all heard the click. "Abandons Ship!" Someone yelled. I hardly had time to think, I, like a few other men jumped over the side, just to be thrown into the air by a massive blast. A land mine. I blacked, only snippets could come to me, pain, my legs being broken. Glass, something in my eyes. Crying out for pain. _

_The next thing I knew I was in a hospital, "Jace, Private Jace Wayland." Someone said._

_"Why can't I see, what happened?"_

_Someone took my hand, a woman. "My name is Beth, I'm a doctor, you're in the United States. Don't you remember?"_

_"No. What happened?"_

_"Your Jeep went over a land mine, you're the only one alive sweetie. You suffered from some injury's. You were blinded, you'll be able to see eventually, but not right now. Your legs, you'll need special therapy to possibly be able to walk again."_

_It took a lot of time for that to sink in. _

Every night, that ran though my head. Trying to think of what I could have done different came next.

After every noise, even the slightest I would freak out. Then other things started. I could hear them, my team. At first I thought it was just a phase, but then I realized it was something more. So I had myself checked into a mental facility.

They would oversee my rehabilitation, and my dreams, and my Post traumatic stress disorder. I hated it all, having to rely on other people. I was supposed to take care of people, not be taken care of.

Seeing them, my team. I saw him in my head. I heard them. They tried to talk to me, tell me to do things. I just didn't understand it. Why were they in my head. I met with a therapist, who tried to help me. I just didn't know.

It was four months in the mental hospital before I was allowed to have time with the other stable patients. Of course just sat in a corner of the room, hoping that someone would come talk to me. The only people who usually talked to me were the two nurses who helped me most of the time.

They were brother and sister, Isabelle and Alec Lightwood. Both were amazingly patient, especially during my episodes. When I was completely lost somewhere in my mind. They were there, helping me, like they were supposed to. Isabelle and Alec often came to visit me when they weren't working.

Sometimes a woman, would come sit with me, she never spoke, but Alec would call her Clary, when he came to bring me back to my room.

One day I decided to ask about her, "Alec?" I asked as he pushed me down to my room, "Who is that Clary? Why won't she speak to me?"

"She hasn't spoken to anyone in almost three years. But maybe you should try talking to her," Alec suggested.

Alec wheeled me to my room, for some 'alone time' for some people, they could read, but since I couldn't see, I usually just slept. Until therapy time.

Isabelle got me for therapy, brought me to the regular hospital, I would work on walking. I always felt proud when she would say how well I was doing on the way back to my room. It was in my blood suppose. To want to please others.

After therapy I had dinner. Then I had some more alone time, then would go see my therapist. Hodge Starkweather. I also worked with Celine Horndale, she was a specialist in P.T.S.D.

After therapy I went to my room, completely tired, I would fall asleep almost instantly after my bath. I hated bath's. I longed for a shower. To be able to do things myself. Alec thought it would help to inform me that he was gay. It didn't. I had nothing against him, he was still Alec, my nurse. And my only friend. But the fact that he had to help me in the bath didn't really help me.

After breakfast I went into the group room. Isabelle took me, because Alec was helping someone else at that time. We got about halfway to the group area when Isabelle stopped. "One second," She said. I heard Isabelle run down the hall. "Who's that?" Her voice as hurried.

"Penelope Garroway, she hung herself last light. Her father will be heartbroken," A male voice said. I heard wheels go down the hall. I figured a stretcher.

"Sorry," Isabelle said when she started pushing me again.

"You know, I could push myself, I have memorized the way. All you have to do is tape a sign that reads 'extremely attractive blond man is blind, if your close enough to read this then im going to run you over'?"

Isabelle laughed, "No, I'm sorry Jace. I can't do that. Your stuck with me for now."

I fake sighed, "I guess I can deal with that for now," I wanted to roll my eyes. But it would do no good. I wore really dark glasses, no one would see. It was more for my own good, so the patches that covered my healing eyes wouldn't get damaged, or showed. I imagined I looked either really cool or really stupid. I hoped for the first. _Of course it's the first Wayland, what else would it be?_ Someone inside my head asked.

Isabelle pushed me over to my usual spot, "Hello Clary, what's that? Oh, is that Jace?" Apparently Clary nodded. "Well Jace, looks like you have a friend. Clary drew you, it looks like you a lot. When you can see you'll love it. I'll put it in your room," Isabelle said before she left.

I turned to where I hoped Clary was sitting, "Thank you. I'd let you know what you think, but I'm temporarily blind. But im Jace Wayland. Who are you?"

A soft hand touched my arm, from the opposite way my head was. The same hand picked up mine and flipped it over. She traced letters on the back of my hand. "C.L.A.R.Y?"I asked.

She just started to trace again, "M.O.R.G.E.N.S.T.E.R.N?" Clary tapped twice on my hand.

"Two for yes? One for no?" Clary tapped twice. "How long have you been sitting with me?"

She traced a question mark on the back of my hand, "How old are you?" 20, she traced on my hand. "Oh, im almost 22."

She traced Solder on my hand, with a question mark. "Yes, I was. Before my jeep hit a land mine... You don't care," Two taps. "You do?" Two taps again. I told Clary what had happened. She traced 'I'm sorry' on my hand. "Nothing that can be helped."

"Will you ever speak to me?" I couldn't help but blurt out.

I heard Clary sigh from beside, 'Maybe'. She took her hand off mine and started to write something down. She ripped it out and took my hand. 'Open when you can see' she spelled out. Clary was very cold, her hands anyway. _Oh come on Bitch, just speak, stop sulking about your problems_. Someone in my head said. I pushed the voices back down into my head.

"Will you be here tomorrow?" I asked her. Two taps. I shoved the paper into my pocket. "Good."

Clary and I spent the rest of our group time talking, or communicating. She avoided any questions about her, she answered about her birthday, and color preference. But anything deeper than that she would just tap once.

As Alec pushed me back to my room I told him about my experience with Clary. "Did she really communicate with you? She refuses to communicate with everyone else. She only ever draws. You should try to get her to talk."

Time passed slow, everyday doing the exact same thing, the only thing I had to change it up was Clary. I couldn't help but wonder what she looked like. Judging by how small her hands were she was small.

Talking to Hodge also passed time, he was very interesting. "Jace," He said slowly when I was wheeled in by Isabelle. "Your nurse said you were talking to yourself, were you actually talking to someone else?" He asked.

"Uh huh. I was talking to Jonathan."

"Who's that Jace?"

I shrugged, "He talks to me."

I heard Hodge make a noise, "What does he look like, Jace?"

Oh my, some doctor. "I'm blind," I said in an obvious tone.

"Oh yes, about that, you have an appointment with an eye specialist tomorrow during therapy time, you just might get your sight back. But Who is Jonathan? Tell me more about him?"

_Don't tell the old coot about me, I'm your brother._ "He...He doesn't want me to."

"It's okay Jace, just tell me a little bit about Jonathan."

_Don't you dare!_

"He really doesn't like the idea Hodge, maybe another time."

"Of course Jace. So, I heard you made a friend? Clarissa Morgenstern," Hodge asked.

_Of course we did, doc. Bet she's hot to._ "Yeah, why doesn't she talk?"

"You'll have to ask her Jace. Alec told me that she writes on your hand to communicate. All I can say is that she has not spoken to any doctors in almost three years."

_Crazy Bitch._ Jonathan's voice echoed around my head, making my head hurt, when I flinched back I could hear Hodge shift in his chair. _Whole bunch of crazy's here. Crazy fucks._ Jonathan's voice was loud.

"May I go back to my room? I don't feel well," I said quietly. Jonathan was yelling for me to return, the power in his voice suggested I listen.

Hodge called for Isabelle, I heard her bright voice and soft shoes. I had gotten good at remembering what people sounded like when they walked. Alec walked with long purposeful strides. Isabelle came with quick hurried steps. Clary had light, almost silent steps. One of the other nurses, Ariana had heavy steps, leading me to believe she was bigger.

When I got back to my room Jonathan started to yell really loud, blocking out any of my thoughts I had left. The only thing I could think to do was yell back. But he kept going, he was getting angry.

Then everything was blank, the next things I knew I was strapped to a bed, Alec and Isabelle talking quietly at my side. I pretended to be asleep, I must have had some drugs in me, because I couldn't hear much, only little snippets. "Psychotic." "Multiple persons" "Skitz" Nothing I really understood.

I slipped back into sleep, the medicine the had given had made Jonathan leave me alone, for now. Maybe it was Alec. He seemed to always seemed to go away when Alec came in, or maybe Alec just scared him. I didn't know. I just let the silent, dreamless sleep wash over me. Like complete bliss.

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><p><strong>Hope you liked. Let me know, review please! I'll update faster! XD - M<strong>


	2. Chapter 2:Two of me

**I tried to update asap, thanks to that lovely review recived, thanks to "Writers Block 420". I also love the little favorites and stuff, makes me feel special. So heres chaptr two! Enjoy. It starts in the point of view of Alec and moves to Jace and to Clary. So enjoy, also the _this is "Joathan"_ Speaking. Just thought id mention that.**

**Disclamer: I don't own the charecters, all of these lovelys are C.C's im just playing with them.**

** Ps. There is strong lanugage, violence and harm to ones self. Just saying. xoxo**

***This is an updated chapter, reposted with mistakes fixed. Fixed on October 2012***

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><p>A.P.O.V<p>

"You think he has multiple personality disorder?" I asked Hodge Starkweather quietly.

The man nodded, he was thin had scars from his days as a solder, "Yes, he told me about Jonathan. I was also able to track down his mother. She, and his brother ,Christopher, will be in later today."

I had no idea that Jace had any family, he never talked about them. "Okay, I have to go get Jace for his eye appointment. He also gets his cane today!"

When I opened the door Jace's head snapped up, but the restraints around his wrists and ankles kept him down. Not that I thought he would hurt me. "Hello Jace, how are you feeling today" I asked as I undid the restraints.

"Just peachy. I must say, I'd rather not be tied to the bed by you."

At least he was Jace again, not the crazy yelling violent Jonathan that came out yesterday. Jace's light blond hair was growing long, much longer then the copped hair he came here with. He still wore eye bandages so I didn't know what color his were. He had stubble around his jaw, but he didn't seem to care.

I helped Jace into his wheel chair. "Do I really get my eyes back?"

I couldn't help but chucked at the extactic tone of voice he used, it was almost childlike," I believe so, also you get your cane. No more being pushed around."

"Really? That's so exciting."

I smiled, "I wish all my patients were this enthused about extra work for them. Would make my life so much easier."

Jace laughed again, "Not all people can be as amazingly handsome and be willing to work."

One thing Izzy and I had learned in our time with Jace is that he was rough, from his time in the Army, he was cocky, but for good reason. But he was also kind, as Izzy and I had witnessed when he communicated with Clary. A small, quiet, insane, girl. Who had seen one to many moons in her days.

As I pushed Jace through the long chilly hallways I wondered why they were drawn to each other. Jace was big and tall and cocky. Clary was small and delicate and hasn't spoken in a long time. Both had very deep rooted issues. Jace checked himself in with a case of P.T.S.D and ended up with multiple personality disorder. Poor man. Clary was sent here after she almost killed her brother and father, poor girl snapped after years of abuse and mistreatment. Stabbed the brother seventeen times, and the father twenty-three. She seemed to know where not to stab them so they would die instantly. She only got the non-lethal places.

Her father, and brother had spent three years in prison and were now free. It wasn't right. Jace was humming absently as we walked. I knew that he hated to rely on people, especially when it came to bath time. I suppose telling him I was gay made no difference.

"Okay, Jace. Here we go, we're walking into the eye specialists room." I pushed Jace into a dimly lit room, it would help so his eyes could adjust to the light. A short, chubby woman, slightly resembling Molly Weasley, sat in front of a chair.

"Jace, Alec. I am Doctor Moeino. Take a seat?"

Jace walked to the chair, and smiled proudly. I watched as the doctor slowly took of the bandages and looked around Jace's eyes. "You may need glasses to read, but you were lucky, none of the shrapnel went into and scratched your cornea. Or anything else important."

Jace nodded and blinked his eyes furiously, "I...I can see," He said stunned. Jace looked at me, and cocked an eyebrow. "Huh, almost exactly what I was expecting. Nice to see you Alec," Jace looked at me from wide tawny eyes. "Wow, this is crazy. I can see! After six months," Jace looked around excitedly

"You can also walk. Even though you should be blind and paralyzed. You, Jace Wayland, have pushed every expectation we have set for you to the max," I said smiling at him.

The doctor gave Jace some glasses, Jace smiled brightly as I pushed him down to the hall. Jace looked amazingly excited to get his cane. Sometimes his smile would suddenly fade, and he would look scared. I wondered if that was Jonathan talking, or telling Jace things.

I helped Jace walk to his room. When we got inside Jace froze, he took off his glasses, his eyes were wide. "Christopher? Mum?" He asked in a nervous voice.

A tall woman with light, silvery blonde hair, like Jace had, stood up and hugged Jace. The man, who looked almost exactly like Jace hugged them both.

"Jace." The woman, looked at me, "Who are you?"

"I'm Alec Lightwood, one of Jace's nurses."

Christopher looked at his mother, before helping Jace to his bed. "Well let you eat your lunch, then join you for group time, okay sweetie?" His mother asked.

Jace nodded and watched as his mother and brother left the room along with me. "He's so different. Alec? What's wrong with my baby brother?" Christopher asked softly when we were out of earshot from Jace's room.

"We believe he has multiple personality disorder. People create different personalities, sometimes it's a lost loved one, or what they wish to change in themselves. Did Jace ever lose anyone in his life named Jonathan?" I said as I led them to Hodge's room, so he could speak to them.

"First of all, my name is Jocelyn. But yes, Jace lost his father and his older brother. His father was a solder. Jonathan jr died in a car accident that should have killed Jace too, when he was young."

I nodded, "Just tell that to Hodge, okay?"

Amanda and Christopher nodded and went into the doctor's office. I hurried down the hall, to a different section of the hospital, one that I visited often. I knocked on a door that was close to Clary's. I was on a section for people who were close to be able to leave, but weren't quite there.

"Come in," An absent voice said, before returning to humming.

A tall man sat stretched out on a bed, his black hair was hanging in his greeney gold eyes. Magnus Bane. He had a darkish skin tone, from his Asian mother, and his father's features. So he told me anyway.

"Alec!" Magnus exclaimed brightly. "I'm being released tomorrow! It's amazing!"

I smiled at the man, "That is amazing Granger. Where will you go?" Magnus frowned; he had lost his mother and father to a murder suicide that he witnessed.

"I'm not sure. I suppose I'll have to get an apartment. Look for work."

I smiled, "I'm sure I could help you out Magnus."

His eyes lit up, "Really? I have a cat."

"I don't mind cats, as long as they don't shed on my slippers."

Magnus smiled brightly, and thanked me a zillion times. I looked at my watch and hurried to get my lunch, so I could go get Clary. It was my day.

We all had different patients we always worked with, for myself and Izzy it was usually Clary, Jace, Magnus, Shane Penfeather, formerly Penelope Garroway. We worked with other people, but it was in our daily schedules to work with them. So they could get used to us. As little change as possible was best for them.

Of all the people I worked with Clary Morgenstern was the strangest, by far. When she first came here I was just 20, and doing my on the job training, Clary was talkative when she first came. Bright, and usually had a sad smile on her face. But then she changed very fast. Started only talking to herself, having conversations. Then she stopped talking all together.

Clary's doctors put her on medicine for Schizophrenia; she started to talk again for a little while, but only to certain people, and more to herself. Then she started to get violent, freaking out randomly. She spent a lot of time in isolation, in those padded rooms in all the horror movies. She would scream in her sleep, and couldn't tell the difference between reality and delusions.

The doctors realized that she not only had Schizophrenia, but that she had a forum of Multiple personality disorder. I could remember a time when she would just sit there, for days, not eating, not moving, and not sleeping. Just sitting there. It really scared me, to see her progression. Clary was up and down. Now, she seemed to be up.

Clary smiled up at me when I opened her door. "Still not talking to me?" I asked teasingly when I walked in.

Clary held up a notebook, _did Jace get his sight back?_ She had written under a drawing of the Brooklyn Bridge.

"Yes he did. Why?"

Clary bit her bottom lip and scribbled something down. _We made a deal_. She wrote. I just shrugged and smiled at her. "Okay, let's go. It's time to go. You up for it today?" Clary nodded. Some days she was too tired, from lack of sleep to go to group. But ever since she started to get closer to Jace, she always went.

I closed her door behind her, "Did you take your pills today?" When she nodded I smiled. "Did you eat?" Clary looked up at me and nodded.

"Good, I'm proud." Clary had Anorexia when she first came. We often had trouble getting her to eat. "If you started to speak to us, you'd be out of here with Magnus," I said.

Clary looked up at me curiously, "Yes. Magnus should be released tomorrow. You'll miss him visiting won't you?"

Clary nodded, Magnus had been better for a while, and had been helping other patients. In between relapses. Clary and Magnus were close. Even if the conversations with her were pretty one sided.

I opened the door to the group visiting area. There was a piano, some people were playing cards, others were sitting in the chairs, talking to themselves, or to others. Clary walked over to the chairs she always sat in, just a plane wooden chair and two leather chairs. Clary crossed her legs and bent her head over her notepad. She was truly an amazing artist. All the nurses, myself included, had a portrait done.

I leaned against the desk that the nurse sat behind and watched all the patients. It was good for them to have some social interactions. "Jace not coming to sit with Clary today?" Beth asked.

I smiled and nodded, "Oh he is. His brother and mother are here, they'll be here soon. Jace can now walk!"

Beth was a short curvy woman with black hair and dark eyes. She was always smiling, everyone loved her. Well everyone who was in their minds at the time. But even the kindest of people were capable of hating everyone.

I watched as Izzy and Christopher helped Jace into the room. He was leaning heavily on his cane, but looked happy to be walking. I looked at my sister, her long black hair was tied back, and her dark brown eyes were bright.

Izzy walked over to where Beth and I were. "Jace is so excited to be walking. But Hodge thinks that he his other personality is a mix of his brother and father."

I nodded and watched as Jace hobbled his way over to his ever silent red haired friend.

J.P.O.V

Christopher helped me walk, over to where Clary sat.

Alec and Isabelle were almost identical; both had black hair and the same features. Alec was tall and had black hair that fell into his blue eyes. Isabelle was also tall, and very thin, she had long black hair that she wore pulled back, out of her brown eyes. I had always pictured Isabelle as a blonde, but she was attractive.

Everything was blurry at first, but I got used to seeing again really fast. Christopher looked a lot like me. But we were nothing alike. He was an arts student; I was a medical student until I went to Iraq.

My eyes found Clary, sitting on a hard leather chair, bent over a sketch pad. When I sat beside her, her head snapped up, looking at me surprised. _Sure know how to pick em' Jace_. Jonathan whispered. I didn't know where he was, but I had to agree.

Clary had pale skin and wild red curls. Her big eyes were bright green. There was a flash of freckles across her nose. I was right about her size; Clary was very small and thin. When she smiled at me, her whole face lit up.

"Hello Clary," I smiled at her, "Chris, Mum, this is Clary."

"I'm Christopher, Jace's older brother. He's told me a lot about you."

Clary looked from me to Christopher, her eyes were slightly narrowed. "I'm Jocelyn, Jace's mother, it's nice to meet you," Mum stuck her hand out for Clary to shake.

Tentatively she did, I was a bit surprised. Clary didn't seem to be too fond of new people. She opened her mouth like she was going to talk, but closed it again, and bit her bottom lip.

"We're sorry Jace, but we have to get back home. We'll be back on Saturday," Mum said after a moment.

I hugged them both, I watched as Isabelle led them from the room. _Bitch! Leaving already, stupid whore._ Jonathan hissed viciously.

I fought for a moment to get Jonathan to stop yelling about my mother, but when I was done Clary looked at me nervously. "Are you okay?" She whispered. I started in shock, Clary had promised me that when I could see and walk again that see that she would speak to me. I hadn't really believed her.

"Yes, thank you."

Clary nodded her eyes were taking me in. _Wouldn't you just love to see her wreathing underneath you, calling your name?_ "Stop" I hissed. Clary looked at me. "Who are you talking to?" She asked softly.

Her voice was soft, and insanely quiet. "Jonathan" I said simply.

Clary took my hand, not in the way that she would when she was going to write on my hand, but in a comforting way. "There is no one here but you and I Jace," She whispered.

I looked past her head to see Alec and Isabelle staring slack jawed at Clary and I. Clary had apparently not talked to anyone in quite a few years. _Lying slut, can't you see! I'm right here, you dumb fuck. Can't you see?_ Jonathan asked, just to the left I saw a man with dark blond hair sitting in a chair, watching us.

"He's right there," I said "See?" I jerked my head to where Jonathan sat, looking at us.

Clary slowly looked over there, before returning her soft gaze to me, "No, I'm sorry Jace. No one is there," She nodded after a second, as if comforting what she said was true.

_Lying skank, I'm right here._ Jonathan screamed, the sound reverberated around my head, causing me to flinch back.

I looked up to Alec, I knew how scared my expression was, Alec rushed over. "What is it Jace?" He asked softly.

"Jonathan, can you see him?" I asked, I pointed to where Jonathan sat, eyeing all of us with carefully calculated glare.

"I'm sorry Jace. I don't see him. Clary, do you?" Alec asked.

Clary bit her lip for a moment, "No," She answered softly "I don't see him Jace."

I started to shake my head, Jonathan's voice was getting louder, yelling at me for being stupid, at Alec, calling him mean names, at Clary, insulting her. "May I go back to my room?" I asked through clenched teeth. For some reason I didn't want to have Clary see me lose control.

I stood up and grabbed my cane. Clary stood up also, her head didn't reach my shoulder, "Everything will be alright," She whispered quietly, so only I could hear.

Alec helped me back to my room, Jonathan was gliding in front of us, shouting insults.

_I can't believe you let that little faggot touch you, he wants you. Ugh, disgusting, filthy faggot._ Jonathan's harsh words tried to force their way out of my mouth, but I but my tongue.

Alec helped me to my bed, "Jace, are you okay?" Alec asked, looking down at me, his dark blue eyes were studying me carefully.

Jonathan's words forced themself out of my mouth, then I blacked out. I could hear my voice shouting those insults, but I wasn't in charge of my body. I watched as I tried to hurt Alec. I was helpless, paralyzed inside my own body. Alec was stronger than me easily, but Jonathan was fighting back. I tried to do something, I really did. But that made Jonathan angry. I felt something painful jab into my wrist, a nail, and drag across the skin there. I felt that sharp stinging pain, again and again. I wanted to stop, but I couldn't

Then I felt myself being dragged by strong arms, I wasn't fighting. I wasn't screaming anymore. The last thing I saw before blacking out was Clary, her green eyes scared, her words. "Everything will be alright," bounced around my head. The nothing

C.P.O.V

I'm not sure what attracted me to Jace, he was sarcastic, and cocky, and always making jokes. But I made an effort to communicate to him, I promised to talk to him, when he achieved his goals. To walk and to see.

I had been promised things all my life, never have any of them ever been fulfilled. But I wanted to keep mine to Jace. I spoke to Alec, because the words came. I knew talking would bring her back, that voice, that made me do bad things. I just knew it.

After Jace was taken away, mumbling insults I knew there was something wrong with him, well obviously, but something other than the norm. Maybe he had what had, or so Hodge had told me I had. Split personality disorder.

I always paid attention when the doctors spoke about and too me. I even wrote most of it down, so I could know what was happening. Most of them assumed I was stupid, or so broken that I wasn't able to speak. But I wasn't. I hadn't spoken because I never really had anything to say, and Rachel used to come when I spoke. But forced myself to remember that she wasn't real. She was a figment of my imagination, of my head. It was hard to believe that sometimes. Especially when the other voices spoke. The low whispers, hissing nothings.

When group time was over, I allowed Isabelle to lead me back to my room. "Are you speaking to all of us now?"

"May I speak with Hodge please?" I asked. I was nervous, I didn't want Rachel to come back, to try to make me hurt people, myself again.

Isabelle looked down at me, "Yes, sure. You have an appointment with him anyway."

I left my sketch book and pencils on my bed. We were on our way up to Dr. Hodge Starkweathers room, when we heard yelling and fighting. Isabelle looked down at me quickly, before hurrying to opposite way when we heard Alec trying to call for security.

Isabelle was thin, but I had seen her take down a security guard, for fun. She ran into a room with the name Jace Wayland outside. Isabelle ran in, I couldn't help but peak inside the room. Jace was fighting with Alec, who was restraining him. Isabelle moved to help. Jace was yelling, in a voice that was not his own. Jonathan. I went back into the hallway when I saw him being a nail across his wrists.

My hand tightened around my own scared wrists, four suicide attempts the tell me. I didn't remember, Rachel was in control at that point. I watched as two big security guards ran in, after a little shuffling Jace was being led from his room. He looked at me, I was scared, not of him, but for him. No one really scared me anymore. Not after Sebastian and Valentine.

Isabelle and Alec came out, I bit my lip. Alec looked a little shaken, "He.. Jonathan took over. Believe me, that wasn't Jace," I said.

Alec looked at me, he ran a hand through his black hair, trying to put it into place. "I know it was Clary, don't worry. We know, now Isabelle has to go with Jace. But I'm going to take you to see Hodge. I think he may have someone to see you."

I frowned, who would come see me other than Simon? Who already came every Sunday from eleven to three. Simon Lewis was my best friend, always had been, even after and during what I call my bad years. But why would he be here.

Alec opened the door for me, and closed it behind me. "Hi, Clary," Hodge says, not expecting an answer.

"Hi Mr. Starkweather," I said, softly. I didn't like projecting my voice, quiet was better.

The man looked up at me, "Oh my! You're talking! What started this?!"

I took my seat on the couch, and pulled my legs underneath me. "I made a promise to Jace, that when he started to see and walk that I would start talking."

"Call me Hodge, please," Hodge scribbled down some notes on a clipboard. "But, Clary we have someone to see you today."

The door opened behind me, I heard one heavy set of footsteps, much too heavy to be Simon. Then heard a cough, and froze. I watched as a tall man with cropped black hair came into my view. My heart picked up, my palms became sweaty, and my mouth dry. Valentine Morgenstern.

"Wha..."I couldn't force words out.

Hodge shifted in his chair. "Clary, Valentine has something to say to you."

Valentine looked at me, and looked disgusted, "First of all, you have let yourself go, ugh, you are weak. You can rot in hell for what you did to me. To my son. You are worthless. You are dead to me bitch. Like your slut mother. You deserve all of this, you deserve any and all pain you have," Valentine stood up to leave, but before I could move or Hodge could stop him, Valentine hit me heard across the face.

I fell over from the force. "SECURITY!" Hodge yelled. Men came and got Valentine. Alec came for me, I could feel the mark on my face.

Alec led me to my room. When he left I sat there, I tried reading over my notes, but nothing could stop his words.

I was worthless, I was nothing, maybe I did deserve all this. Maybe did deserve the pain. I fingers trailed along the side of my bed, looking for the loosed screw. I brought it across my wrist, again, and again. Not feeling the pain that I deserved.

"You are weak," Valentines words ran around my head. Rachel would never return, she was gone, she was fake. Those other voices, they were fake as well. But all of Valentines harsh words, his strikes to me, his murder of my mother, everything played in my head. Causing me to cut again, deeper.

I droped the nail, as Valentines words echoed around me. Calling me a worthless slut, everything. Sebastian... My own brother. It all came back, pain everywhere, but where I cut. Everything was numb then. Slipping from me.

My door opened, a tall, greney golden eyed man walked in. "Clary! NO!" He started screaming, yelling for me for someone. I wanted the pain in my wrists to overcome that from Valentine and Sebastian, but it didn't. It couldn't.

Beth and James, two nurses ran in, Beth escorted Magnus from my room, he was crying. James wrapped up my wrists and picked me up. That's when I passed out, as I was being carried away.

Jace's voice came to my mind, the times while we were talking. His calloused hands undermine as I wrote on the back of his hand. The note I gave him, of a sun and stars, because that's what he reminded me of, saying don't ever give up.

I tried to escape pain of my past, with pain. Oh I really was fucked up.

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><p><strong>Hope you liked that chapter, im trying to keep it interesting, yet not progress to fast. So Review and ill update faster please! It makes me happy, virtual cupcakes to all who do! XD- M<strong>


	3. Chapter 3: Line to sanity

**Hello again! I tried to update fast for you all! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, keep on reviewing, and i'll update really fast again! I promise.**

** Enjoy**

** Disclamer: I don't own any of these charecters, im just playing with them!**

***Re-updated, fixed version. Edited on October 2012***

* * *

><p><span>C.P.O.V<span>

Isolation was one of the worst things there was. Alone. Completely alone. But as I already knew, a suicide attempt earned you a minimum of a week in isolation.

I was glad that I was alone last time. The previous six or seven times I was in isolation I had not been alone in my mind. As it was explained to me, I created Rachel because she was everything I wasn't, I created her to deal with my father and brother. The medication I had been on had sent her away, and made me realize that there was no Rachel.

Time always passed fast for me in isolation, everyone else said that it was stretched out so long, but I managed to loose myself, always easily. The thing that kept me the most pre occupied was thinking of my future.

At one point in time I figure I wouldn't ever get out of the hospital. Between the cutting, the blacking out and Rachel I figured I would be locked in one of the rooms deep in the hospital, that patients who we to far gone to be brought back went. I knew that I was close to going there at one time.

My wrists were pretty bad, they needed stitches, which wasn't a first for me. My wrists and ankles were both covered in thin pale lines. From my days of trying to make more pain to combat the pain of what my father and brother had done.

When I was finally allowed in my room Simon Lewis was sitting on a chair beside my bed. Waiting.

"Clary, are you okay?"

I looked at him, that was not something you asked someone who was in a mental hospital. "Well, I suppose that I've been better," I shrugged.

Simon looked at me, shocked. "Clary!"

"Yeah?"

Simon's eyes widened, I realized he had not heard me speak in three years, "Since when do you speak?"

"Since I was about one, but I made a deal with a friend," I said absently as I sat on my bed. The sheets that had been on my bed before would be soaked with blood.

"Who?"

I smiled at the thought of Jace, then frowned, remembering what had happened to him, "He is a war veteran, that I became friends with. I promised him that if he could see again that I would talk," I said absently.

Simon looked at me, he smiled and shook his head, "Must be something," His tone of voice was a little dishearten, "I try to get you to talk for three years, but this new man comes in and poof! You're quoting Shakespeare!"

I smiled at Simon," I wouldn't go that far. But I'd like to tell me that you are my east, Juliet is the sun!"

Simon looked at me, We both turned quickly when Isabelle walked in, "Hello Simon," She said brightly, I noted the flush on Simon's face, "Nice to see you, but Clary has to go see Mr. Hodge today, so you could join me in the cafeteria?"

Simon nodded, "Okay."

I stood up, "Why don't you ever wear shoes?" Isabelle asked me as we walked down the hall.

I looked down at my toes, "I... I don't know." Isabelle laughed brightly. Isabelle was very beautiful, she was tall and thin, she had long jet black hair and intelligent dark brown eyes, clear pale skin.

Isabelle let me into Hodges room, and walked away with Simon, who looked a little bemused.

"Hello Clary, how are you today?" Hodge asked as I moved to sit down on the coach in front of him.

"Hi Mr. Starkweather, I suppose I'm fine."

Hodge smiled at me, glad I was speaking still. "I have been speaking to your nurses, was your suicide attempt as a result of your fathers attack in my office?"

I nodded, "I had some time to think while I was in isolation. I used to blame myself for my mother's death, for my brother turning out like my father, for my father hitting me. But it's all his fault. Many memories have been with me since I was little, but I want to testify."

Hodge looked shocked, "Really? You think you're ready to testify against your father? You have made so much progress, do you think leaving will push all of that backwards?"

I shook my head," No, my main problem was my multiple personality disorder, and the mild schizophrenia that was there as well, but now that I'm on my medication, I don't have any problems. You and I both know that last week was my first break down in two years. It was because of him, because of what he said, what he had done."

Hodge looked shocked, he had never heard me say so many words in one statement, so it would surprise him that I was in fact very intelligent. "Wow, well I'm not going to lie, we all figured you were stupid, or had brain damage. But it's clear you don't. Well ill speak to the attorney, but for now, will you tell me what they did to you and your mother for all those years?"

I sighed, it was about time that I got it off my chest, "Well, my father beat my mother until he found out that she was pregnant, then he hoped for a son, when he was given a son he went back to hitting mum, Sebastian was also beaten but not much. When she was pregnant again he stopped hitting her and started more on Sebastian, who was about five at the time. When mum had a girl Valentine was furious," I took a breath and folded my hands on my lap, "He continued to beat my mother until I was six, then he killed her. Sebastian and I were forced to watch as he strangled her," I sighed a shaky breath," He started to beat me then. When I was six. By the time I was ten he had broken my arm twice and my foot."

"When I was about twelve he had started to make Sebastian hit me, I don't know why I didn't really realize until recently, but Sebastian was forced to hurt me. Valentine threatened his life, he was made... made rape me," I wiped the tears that formed up in my eyes. "He continued to beat me, and make Sebastian beat me until I was fourteen, when I had my psychotic breakdown, and stabbed both of them. Thinking back, if I had my mind I wouldn't have stabbed Seb, he wasn't at fault really."

Hodge looked at me, his eyes wide and sad. "I am so sorry."

I nodded, I wondered where Sebastian was, I hadn't spoken to my brother in almost six years. "May I ask what happened to Jace?"

"It took his breakdown for us to really realize what was wrong. We're putting him on medication similar to yours but, we're not sure if it will help any. Jonathan is very different from Rachel. But now, I'm pretty sure that Magnus Bane wishes to speak with you. It was him who found you."

I nodded, "Do I have to wait for someone to come , or can I go back to my room?"

Hodge thought that over for a moment, before smiling, "You can walk yourself back to your room sweetie," Hodge gave me a look a parent might give his child before that child went off to university or on a trip.

I closed the door behind me as I walked down the pale cool hallway. It felt as though a weight had been lifted off me, simply by telling Dr Hodge about me, about my past. After my time in isolation I felt much better, my head clearer.

Ever since I started to talk I felt better. Well, excluding my little chat with Valentine. I went back to my room, I was debating going over to Magnus' room when someone knocked on mine. A tall man in jeans and a soft looking red sweater walked in, his hair was gelled up in spikes, his nails were painted bright yellow, to match his sneakers. Magnus Bane smiled at me.

"Mags, don't you look wonderful, how long have you been out?" I asked.

Magnus closed my door softly, before walking over and sitting in front of me. "Clarissa Amanda Morgenstern," Magnus looked me hard in the eyes, "Don't you ever, ever do anything like that to me again."

I nodded, "I am sorry that you found me like that.. It.. I just couldn't deal with... with him."

Magnus hugged me and let me cry into his probably cashmere sweater. Magnus and I had started around the same time, we shared a room while we were both in the hospital part. Me after my first break down and Rachel's first suicide attempt, Magnus had a childhood similar to mine, but was in the hospital for trying to kill himself.

When I was all cried out Magnus looked at me carefully, "Clarissa? Promise me, that no matter what, you will never listen to him. You have talent, you are beautiful you have worth. Okay Clary?"

I nodded, only Simon had ever said anything like that to me, and because it was Simon, I never really thought of it, but Magnus, someone who had watched me, physically seen me during my psychotic outbursts, my crazy days, saying this meant a lot.

My door opened, Alec walked in, he wasn't wearing his scrub like uniform, he had on jeans and a green hoodie. "Hey Clary, how'r you doing?"

I smiled, "No, I'm not slipping back," I said, answering the hidden question in his voice.

Alec looked at me, "I just ran into Hodge, he said that you're going to go through with the trial. Are you sure?"

"Yes, it needs to happen."

Alec and Magnus talked to me for a little while, before they left together. I found out that Alec and Magnus were sharing an apartment.

As I drew I wondered where I would live after I was released, I knew there was no way that I would ever live in my old home, Valentine or no Valentine, I didn't like the idea of one of those group homes. My only friend was Simon, but he lived with one of the other members of his band death rock kittens (they change it a lot, so it's probably not that anymore), Erik.

I decided that I would write a letter to Sebastian, maybe he would write back, but after what I did to him I couldn't expect that.

_Sebastian_

_It's been a while, I'm sure you know that I've been a mental institute since my break down, but if you didn't, you do now. I understand if you don't want to speak to me, after what I did to you, if you did it would be more then I deserve. But I just want you to know that I'm on medication for Multiple personality disorder, and schizophrenia, in short I'm better, what I did was result of a breakdown, and my other personality taking over. I don't blame you for what you did, Valentine was the reason you did what you did, you had no choice. Now that I'm better, I have decided to testify against Valentine. He came into the hospital and hit me about a week ago, just so you know. If you want to speak to me please don't hesitate to. But if not, I hope your happy where ever you are, and I hope that you have found someone to love you, like your father never did._

_Love your little sister, Clarissa Morgenstern. 7/13/12_

To the letter I added a picture of the sunset from Sebastian's bedroom, he loved to watch the sun set, it was his favorite thing to do. Every night he would sit on his windowsill and watch the sun set through the big tree in the backyard.

When Isabelle and Simon came back in my room I was coloring the picture. "Who are you writing to?" Simon asked.

I bit my bottom lip nervously, "Umm, Sebastian. Isabelle, would you send it for me?"

Isabelle nodded brightly, "Of course! I'll address it before I leave, and send it on my way home tonight." Isabelle turned and hurried from the room. "It's lunch time!"

"Magnus and Alec came to see me," I said quietly.

Simon sat on the side of my bed and watched as Isabelle ran from the room, "Really, what did Magnus say?"

"He was upset with me, but he's living with Alec."

Simon smiled, "Isabelle asked me out on a date," Simon said airily.

"Really Si? That's great! When?" I was happy for him, ever since his last girlfriend Maia broke up with him for some guy named Jordan, he hadn't dated. It was strange, I was able to be happy and sad for other people, but when it came to me, I couldn't muster it.

Simon flushed, "Friday night. Sorry, but I've got to get go Clary. I'll be back to see you as soon as I can," Simon kissed my cheek and left my room.

When Isabelle came back in she had my lunch tray in her arms. "Now, you're going to be good and eat all your lunch and take your medicine."

I nodded and ate the salad that was given to me, when I was done I took my pills. They kept me from breaking down and away, taking some pills was nothing compared to what would happen if I didn't.

When I was done I put my tray on the foot of my bed and went back to my sketch book. I was drawing a picture of Sebastian when Isabelle came back in, "I found the address for Sebastian and I'll send it later," She said brightly.

"I ate everything and I took my pills."

Isabelle looked at me, "You really must have had an epiphany. Ready for group?"

I nodded and picked up my sketch pad and pencil. "I'm almost out of pages, "I stated as we walked down to the group area. I always sat by myself, unless Jace was here.

"I'll have to pick you up a new one next time I'm out," Isabelle said as she led the way.

"You don't have to do that."

Isabelle smiled down at me, "I don't mind at all Clary."

There was no Jace when I walked into the group room, my face must have fallen, "He's still in isolation, sorry," Isabelle said softly.

I nodded and went to my little corner and drew a pretty flower, I don't know where I got my drawing talent from, but it was probably my mother. I didn't know much about her, but I wished I did.

When group was over Isabelle led me back to my room, it was a very tedious schedule, I had read through an entire library's worth of books in my time here, Isabelle and Alec often brought any books that they had finished for me to read. Before I would talk they would always assume that I hadn't read them, because they would be in the same place they left them.

I went to see before lunch every day, we worked on piecing together my past, and what had happened when "Rachel" took over. He had a lawyer, who would be representing myself and my mother come in and talk to me. Also he gave his expert opinion that I was a sane and reliable witness.

The doctors had all the charts and things to show all my broken bones and fractures. The times of the breaks all coincided with my story. Every day I waited for Jace to come, but he never did, I truly enjoyed his company, his calm voice. Maybe it was his presence. But something about Jace made me want to be around him.

About a week after Isabelle had sent the letter for me, with my lunch she brought me a letter. I waited until I had eaten and taken my pills to read it.

_Clary_

_Well, it sure has been a long time. I considered not writing back, but then I realized that I had absolutely no reason not to. No matter what you are my baby sister, and I should have done more to protect you. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, that I don't regret everything. That I wish I had been a good and proper brother to you. But, Valentine. He would have killed me ,and you. More than once I begged with him to stop, but he wouldn't. As for you testifying against him, the lawyers contacted me as well, I will be joining you on the stands. All they needed was that last bit of information you provided, the case has been presented to a judge, and we'll find out about it soon. I have asked for updates about your condition, I knew everything. I wanted to keep tabs on you, to know that you were okay. As for me, I'm okay, I know that you didn't do any damage, I know that it wasn't you who attacked me. I hold nothing against you. We both have our demons, mine just stayed safely locked in my closet. I love the picture you drew me, and I decided to come off my high horse and come see you. Simon, he came and punched me out once. I hadn't expected that, but he just showed up at my apartment and punched me in the face, braking my nose. He called me a selfish jerk and left. It was the strangest thing. But I'm coming to see you, I will be coming on Monday the 21 of June. Okay? If you don't want to see me I understand, but I want to start over, brother and sister. Please?_

_Love your big brother, Sebastian Morgenstern._

Isabelle watched me from the doorway, until I finished reading, I knew she was there, I just didn't want to stop reading. "He's coming to see me."

Isabelle nodded, "Tomorrow. Well time to go to group."

I nodded and tucked the letter into my sketchbook. I wasn't sure how I should react to having my brother come and visit me. "How did your date with Simon go?" I asked.

Isabelle laughed, "Good, were going out tonight."

I smiled, "Do you like him?"

Isabelle nodded, "Yeah, I do."

There was still no Jace, I just went and sat alone in my corner and drew.

J.P.O.V

Isolation: Hell inside a hell. You were forced to be confronted by every thought that crossed your mind. I didn't want to have to think over everything, to live with Jonathan was the worst thing possible.

"Why don't you like me?" Jonathan asked as we sat in isolation. "Why do you wish I would go away Jace?"

"Stop, please stop. Just leave me alone, please. I don't want to be here anymore."

I curled into a ball and covered my ears, trying to block him out. "Not happening Jace. Were together for good. Now be a good boy and stop sulking."

I couldn't stop the tears that burned my eyes, I just wanted it to stop. I wanted to leave isolation, I wanted to go home. I wanted to be with my mother and Chris. I just wanted to be normal, Jonathan scared me. I wanted to live my life.

I cried myself to sleep that night, and every night for the next week. I never cried, it wasn't something I did. But Jonathan made me cry, he made me want to just stop breathing. His voice became like nails on a chalk board. Clary's voice, Clary's note, written in pretty cursive "Don't ever give up Jace, don't forget to live" Written amongst stars and a moon. They all kept me from trying to hurt myself. It was Clary, her presence, her, that made me want to fight him. Clary.

Clarissa Morgenstern, I promised myself every night as I cried myself to sleep, that I would someday get better, and that I'd be with her. Because she was my line to sanity.

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed! It was a really long chapter, so I tried my best. Hope I was able to match personalitys and such, review and tell me what you thought, or think. XD - M<strong>


	4. Chapter 4: Going home

**Hello again! I tried to update fast for you all! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, keep on reviewing, and i'll update really fast again! I promice.**

** Enjoy**

** Disclamer: I don't own any of these charecters, im just playing with them!**

***This is a re-edited chapter. Updated on October 2012***

* * *

><p><span>C.P.O.V<span>

I somehow managed to fall asleep, even though I had one of the scariest people in my past coming back to see me. I kept re-reading his letter, his neat handwriting, too much like mine to be coincidence.

Sebastian and I were tutored privately, by an man who was paid not to ask questions, about why I always flinched when anyone came near, why both Sebastian and I both were always covered in bruises. Most especially he was paid not to ask why the attic was locked with a giant padlock.

The man who taught us, was strict, but we learned very fast. We were taught to have perfect neat handwriting, so everyone could read it. By the time Sebastian and I were ten we could forge not only each other's but our fathers signature. I think Mr. Gusto did that on purpose, in case we ever needed it.

I was up early enough to watch the sun rise, which was very unusual for me, I drew the sunset as I rose. As a high level patient I was able to still have a window, and one that didn't have bars. I could see out mine, but I wasn't able to open it.

I hadn't been outside in six years, I had been locked up in the mad house since I was fourteen. I was now twenty years old. I had graduated before I had my breakdown, both Sebastian and I learned really fast, a thing that Mr. Gusto loved. He had even talked about getting Sebastian some collage applications, but father wouldn't allow it. That's when he fired Mr. Gusto, when he talked of collage for Seb and I.

Isabelle was surprised to come in and find me sitting on my bed, staring out airily the window. "Well aren't you up early. Eat breakfast then you can shower and get ready for the day."

After I had eaten and taken the first of my medication( I took some at breakfast some at lunch and one before bed) and I took my shower. Once they determined that I wouldn't drown myself in shampoo I was allowed to shower. People on the lower floors would have to bathe with the help/supervision of a nurse. Isabelle, who really did more than she should for me, had found me some coconut smelling shampoo, as coconut was my favorite.

I could like a hundred years more and still not repay Isabelle for all she's done for me, but once I was free, I'd try. Once I was dressed, in plain white black pants and a grey t-shirt, the pants didn't strings so no one could hang themselves with them, I sat on my bed and drew.

Drawing was one of my favorite things in the world to do, I figured it always had been, since I had such a natural talent. Anything athletic went to Sebastian, who was good at that type of thing.

I was so lost in my sketch of an owl that I didn't hear my door open. But the clearing of someone throat scared me out of my concentration. Alec stood in my doorway, his black hair in his eyes again, as usual.

"Clary, "Alec opened the door a bit wider, "Sebastian is here for you?"

I nodded and set my sketch book to the side, so I wouldn't seem rude .Sebastian Morgenstern walked in after Alec. "Clary, if you need anything, just call okay? We'll be near."

I nodded and looked at my brother. Sebastian was tall and lean, he let his hair grow out longer then the last time I saw him, it now fell messily around his face, like Alec's or Jace's. Sebastian had the same color eyes as me, bright green. Sebastian looked down at me nervously.

"Clary," He said softly, "You are so grown up."

A small smile crossed my lips, "It's been six years Sebastian, I probably do look different."

Sebastian awkwardly sat down in the chair beside my bed, when he folded his hands on his knee I noticed a ring on his finger, a class ring. He saw me eyeing it and smiled.

"Yes, I went to university, graduated from Stanford. I'm a Doctor."

Sebastian always said he wanted to be a Doctor, even when he was a little kid. "That's great. H.. What has your life been like?"

Sebastian smiled, "Well, I've got a fiancée, we live not far from here actually. Her name is Jane, and she's the one who persuaded me to come see you, and write to you. I'd ask how your life is, but there's no need. I was talking to and he said that they are considering releasing you soon."

I wasn't to surprised, my condition had improved so much from when I first came here, it's crazy. "When will you be married?"

Sebastian smiled brightly, "Mid- September."

I nodded, it was so strange sitting and having a normal conversation with Sebastian, we hadn't been alright since... I forced that memory from my mind, Valentine was the one behind everything.

"Do you think that you'd like to come to the wedding?" Sebastian asked softly, his eyes on his feet.

"I'd like that."

My door opened then, Isabelle walked in, smiling brightly, "Hello Clary, Sebastian. It's time to go see Hodge, Sebastian, Hodge welcomed you to come as well."

Sebastian nodded and stood up, he smiled lightly when I stood up, "You look so much like mom you know? Just like her." Sebastian remembered our mother much better than I did, because I was so little, and most of my memories were repressed.

Hodge was, as always, sitting in his leather chair when we entered, Isabelle smiled and left the office. "Still talking Clary?" Hodge asked.

"Yes, I am."

Sebastian and I sat down across from Hodge. "Now, Clary, the case has been presented to the judge and it's been accepted, trial starts next week. Apparently the lawyers already had some case set up. But some substantial evidence would be your mother's body, the body of your nanny, and any photo evidence."

I looked at Sebastian, we both knew where all of that would be, but neither of us really wanted to go back. "We know where it is. The body's, also if I'm correct, Sebastian kept photo evidence."

Sebastian nodded slowly, "Yes, I did. They are in the attic. I hid them after every time I took some. Because I knew that they would be useful someday."

Hodge looked shocked, "You two have to be the most peculiar abused children I've ever seen, you were able to think rationally, well being smart about it. You didn't leave, because he would have killed you, you kept records, you are both very intelligent."

Sebastian and I nodded together, "So, Sebastian, when will you be going?"

I bit my lip, "I want to go too," I said in a voice close to a whisper, "I have to. For some closure."

Hodge studied me nervously for quite a while, before nodding slowly. "Well, we'll need your lawyer with you, and an office, and probably a nurse, maybe Isabelle or Alec."

Sebastian looked down at me, "My brave little sister," He muttered. After Valentine did something really bad to me Sebastian would say that as he cared for me.

Sebastian and I talked to Hodge about our life, now that I talked to people, the words just continued to flow. Hodge joked that I said more words during that session then I had during the previous six years combined.

Sebastian and I had lunch, then we went to the group room. "Still no Jace?" I asked Alec as we walked down to the group room.

Alec smiled knowingly, "Sorry Clary, no Jace yet. He has taken a turn for the worse, but I think his brother is here, he wanted to speak with you during group."

"Why would he want to speak with me?"

Alec shrugged and opened the door for Sebastian and I. I told Sebastian about Rachel as we sat there. For some reason Sebastian wasn't freaked out, or didn't freak out, he just encouraged me. It was as if neither of us remembered our past, and if we could forget it, we would.

About halfway through the group meeting Alec came over followed by Jace's brother Christopher. Looking at Christopher was like seeing Jace all over again, they looked so much alike it was crazy. "Seb?"Christopher asked.

"Chris!" Sebastian stood up and hugged Christopher. "Clary, I went to school with Chris. We had a class or too together."

What a small world.. Then something dawned on me, did Sebastian not go to jail for what the police thought he did to me? "Sebastian, weren't you in jail? How can you be a doctor?"

Sebastian chuckled, "No, I wasn't in jail. They could never prove that I did anything, and I didn't willingly. But our father spent three months in jail, but only the county jail. He's never been tried, because we had no evidence."

I nodded and looked at Christopher, "You wished to speak to me?"

Christopher sat down with Sebastian and I. "I have a favor to ask you Clary. I really shouldn't, because it can't be good for your recovery, but Jace has refused to talk to anyone. He just sits on his bed, and stares. Dr. Stalkweather said that you were closest to Jace. But I understand if you can't deal with that."

I nodded, "I will. It won't mess with my recovery."

Christopher looked shocked, he clearly wasn't expecting me to agree, tears came into his eyes. "I already lost one brother, I don't want to lose both."

I nodded, I missed Jace, why I didn't know. Just something about him. "I will when I'm allowed. But you will have to ask someone who has power around here."

Christopher stood up. "Thank you so much Clary, you can't know how much this means to me."

I nodded and watched as he walked back up to Alec, who smiled and said "Told you so". Sebastian looked at me," Jace Wayland is here?" He asked sadly.

"Yes, why?"

Sebastian shook his head sadly, "Jace was in my pre-med classes, people thought Jace and Chris were twins, because they were in the same year, but Jace just skipped a grade or two."

"You were behind weren't you?"

"Yes I was smart girl. But I am now Dr. Sebastian Morgenstern."

I was happy for Sebastian, he had done good in his life, he had found a woman, gotten a good job and was even now talking with his insane sister.

Sebastian left after dinner, and promised to come see me the following day. Not long after I ate Isabelle came to see me.

"Would you like to go see Jace?" Isabelle asked, "I know you've had a long day, so if you don't want to that's fine."

"No, I want to."

Isabelle nodded, and led me down to the bottom floors. Isolation was on the same floor as the private rooms. The ones where patients who were bad resided. Isabelle had brought two bigger nurses with her. Jack and Kyree. Just in case that something went wrong, like I figured.

"Wait here a moment," Isabelle said when she opened Jace's door.

"Hello Jace. Someone is here to see you today," She said, when no one answered Isabelle brought me in.

Jace was sitting on a bed, his knees were drawn up to his chin, and his dinner sat un-eaten at the food of it. I recognized this, I had been like this for a long time. Apparently not there, while you raged a silent war with the voices inside.

I sat on the chair beside his bed, I had never been on this side of the bed, I rather preferred it. Now that I was much saner then I had been before.

"Jace?" I asked softly. At his side was a note that I had written myself. "Jace, its Clary. Please talk to me, I miss you." This was completely true, I missed Jace very much.

I was not surprised when Jace didn't move or recognize that I was there. All the things going on his head were very awful. "Jace, I know what you're going through. And I want you to know, that everything will get better, trust me. You need to take your pills." I took Jace's hand, his was cold, but squeezed mine. "Do you understand Jace?" His fingers flexed.

I nodded, "You have to take your pills, or Jonathan won't leave you alone. No matter what he says they will help you. Trust me? You know you can trust me, I wouldn't lie to you."

Isabelle stood at the foot of Jace's bed, looking at him sadly. "I have to go now Jace, but when I come back tomorrow I want to speak to you. I made an effort for you, you make one for me? Okay, please come back Jace."

I let go of his hands, Jace blinked when I stood up, his golden eyes held tears, when I started to move I heard a small whimper come from Jace, when I looked back tears were falling down his cheeks. "Everything will be alright, Jace."

I wiped my own tears off my cheeks as I walked back up to my room with Isabelle. "Jonathan is dominate in his head. It's almost impossible to get past him, he makes you think that everything is your fault. That you have no worth. And every pain you want to hurt yourself, to numb the pain of Jonathan," I explained slowly to Isabelle.

She looked down at me curiously, "You are a very peculiar woman Clary, I must say. But you have an insight to what Jace is feeling that I've never heard before. You are impressive Clary, no one would deny that."

I nodded and said goodnight to Isabelle, she locked the door after she left. I had a small bathroom, as I was a top level patient. I changed into the plain pajamas we had and braided my hair over my shoulder like Sebastian used to do for me when I was younger.

I drew Jace, with his arms around his knees, like he had been in his room. But I drew him with Angel wings. I don't know what possessed me to do so, but I did.

Just after lunch, before group, Isabelle came into my room, followed by Sebastian and a small woman, who stood nervously at his side. "You will be joining Sebastian at the house tomorrow." Isabelle left after she spoke.

Sebastian pulled the woman over to my bed, she was the same size as me, but that's where similarities stopped, she must have been Asian or Korean, by her facial shape I was guessing Asian. She had black hair that fell in perfect curls over her shoulder, her bangs hung almost to her eyes, which were hazel.

"I'm Jane, you must be Clary?" She asked in a soft nervous tone, she stuck her handout.

"Yes, I am. Nice to meet you Jane," I shook her hand, she had an engagement ring on her left ring finger, it was a nice ring.

Jane relaxed a bit as she spent more time with me, I decided not to go to group, I'd just be doing the same thing I'd be doing here.

Once I had told Isabelle about my choice to stay in my room she hurried off. When she came back she had three passes. "I...I get to go outside?" that was very exciting.

Isabelle nodded, "Yes you do," Isabelle handed Jane and Sebastian a yellow pass, to go with their green ones. I was given a red one. Each pass meant something different. I put on the soft flat like shoes I was give. I usually walked around barefoot, so these were strange.

"I'll bring you something of mine to wear for tomorrow. Since, you can't wear that out," Jane said softly.

Isabelle led us down a different hallway, to say I was excited would be an understatement. I hadn't felt the sun on my face in forever. Jane never let go of Sebastian. I decided that I liked her, from the way she spoke to me ,as if she were meeting me in any normal place. She spoke to me like I wasn't here because I stabbed her fiancée almost to death, she spoke to me like I was her fiancée's sister, one who she liked.

"Are you excited to be leaving soon?" Jane asked as we walked down the hall.

I looked up, "Oh?" It took me a moment to figure out what she said, "Yes, I am. Maybe I could register into university," I looked up at Isabelle, who nodded encouragingly.

"When do I get to leave?" I asked her.

Isabelle bit her bottom lip, "Well, tomorrow is your test, to see if you can handle it. If you can handle the house, then you can handle anything. Alec will be with you, so no need to worry. But if all goes well, like I'm expecting, you should be released in a week or two."

"Really? Even after my breakdown?"

Isabelle nodded, "That was a special circumstance, anyone would have had a reaction to that."

Isabelle used her keys to unlock the door at the end of the hallway we were walking down, this one led to a staircase, my excitement level rose as we went down. Finally we reached the door to go outside.

Isabelle opened it, and we all walked out into the sunlight, we walked out into a garden, I saw a older couple walking around, they smiled at us. It was warm out, I remember loving the heat. Loving the sunlight on my skin.

Isabelle, Sebastian and Jane watched as I walked over to a stone bench, some pretty pink and yellow flowers were growing. "Would you like some for your room?" Isabelle asked.

When I nodded she handed me a pair of scissors. I cut a few flowers from around the bench, and held them close to me. After a little while we went back inside. The flowers made my room seem so much better. Once I got back to my room I drew the flowers, and colored them in.

Jane and Sebastian left just before dinner, I felt happier then I had in years. Alec brought me my dinner, and commented on it, he also said that I could go see Jace again. That also made me happy, If I could help him like he helped me that would be everything to me.

Once I had finished eating Alec came back for me, he took me down to Jace's room. "You really made an impact on him yesterday. I think he even took his medicine today."

I looked up at Alec, "How's Magnus?"

Alec flushed a little, "He's good, I think he plans to come see you soon, before you leave probably. He sent out some applications for some design studios, I guess before he was here he got a degree in interior design, and fashion or something like that."

I smiled, that seemed like Magnus, he was always complaining about the clothes we wore.

Only Alec was with me as I walked into Jace's room. No big guards. Today Jace was sitting up on his bed, cross-legged. His blond hair was hanging in his eyes, and he had stubble along his jawline.

"Hello Jace, are you speaking to us today?" I asked when I came in and sat on the chair beside his bed.

Jace looked down at me, his golden eyes sad. "Clary?" He asked quietly.

I nodded and smiled, "Of course. How are you?"

Jace looked at me," I think I'm better now. Jonathan is gone. Did you come see me yesterday?"

I nodded again," Yes, I did. Don't you remember?"

Jace shook his head and took one of my hands, "I only remember the yelling. Jonathan was angry with me, but an angel came and told me how to get rid of him. Wa...Was it you?" Jace's tone of voice was almost childlike.

"I'm no angel, but yes Jace. I told you how to make Jonathan go away."

Alec smiled and left the room, leaving the door open, I moved to sit beside Jace on his bed, "Thank you. I.. I feel so much better. But a lot of things are all fuzzy now, and my vision keeps going in and out. I get moved back up tomorrow. But Hodge says that he's just beginning with me," Jace looked down at his lap.

"Don't worry Jace, you'll get through this," I patted his hand gently. "I promise."

Jace looked at me, "Alec says that you get to leave tomorrow, where are you going?"

I frowned, "I have to go to my house with my brother, to find some evidence."

"To have your father put away?"

I nodded and smiled up at Jace, "Will you come see me if you can tomorrow?"

"Of course. I may be getting out soon."

Jace smiled sadly at me, "Of course you will."

Jace was very, perfect looking, he didn't have many imperfections, the bags under his eyes would be fixed with sleep, but the perfect angle to his features would always be there. The only imperfection I could find was a chip in one of his otherwise perfect teeth.

"Clary?" Jace asked quietly.

"Yeah, Jace?"

Jace's light eyebrows furrowed, "Why do you still come to see me?"

"Because I like seeing you Jace, silly."

Jace nodded seriously, "I missed you in isolation," Jace stated plainly. Any filters he had in his head were gone, worked to the end. He was just saying what came to his mind.

"Time to go Clary, say goodnight," Alec said from the doorway, before disappearing again.

Jace frowned, "Get some sleep Jace, okay?"

Jace nodded in a childlike way, "It's just the dreams Clary, they scare me. From the war, they scare me so much," Jace slid down so he was laying down. Tears in his eyes again.

"They aren't real anymore Jace, I promise. Just sleep, and if you have a nightmare, just wake up and think of something that makes you happy. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes."

"Make sure to take your pills in the morning, or they won't let me come see you," I slid off his bed, "Goodnight Jace," I was about to leave, when I decided to softly kiss his cheek.

Jace looked a bit stunned for a moment, before smiling, "Goodnight Clary."

I followed Alec back up to my room, I went right to sleep, as I was pretty tired.

I woke up in the morning when Isabelle brought in my breakfast, "Today's a big day, are you sure?" She asked when she handed me my breakfast tray.

I nodded, about halfway through eating Jane and Sebastian came, we had to drive out to the house, which was in a small town about an hour or two away.

Jane had brought me a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, it was nice to be in different clothes. Jane was a bit bigger than me, so the shorts were just a bit big, but it was wonderful. She also brought me a pair of sneakers, Sebastian had remembered that if I had to wear shoes I liked sneakers.

Alec came to get us a little after ten, it was so strange to be walking towards the front door, but I was happy. Alec wasn't dressed for work, he had on regular clothes, but his hospital id. To say that he was a registered nurse, and probably to let me know not to try anything.

"We'll meet the lawyer and the cop there," Sebastian said as he led us to a black car in the parking lot.

Alec and I sat in the back, it had been forever since I was in a car. Jane sang along to the music that was playing, but I didn't know most of it, sometimes the radio was playing during group, but I never really paid attention. Most times it annoyed people who already had enough voices in their head, without having others.

I fell asleep on the car ride there, Alec woke me up when we got there. Two cars were parked in front of the big white house in front of me. The once trimmed and prepped gardens were overgrown, the lawn was also, I saw Sebastian's tree in the backyard.

We all walked over to the police officer, his nametag said his name was Officer Green. The man in a dress shirt, who looked to be sweating to death, on his left looked familiar. But I couldn't name him. The Lawyer was probably my father's age, where the Officer was much much younger, probably not much older than Sebastian or Alec.

"Are you Sebastian and Clarissa Morgenstern? "The officer asked.

I nodded, "Clary, "I held my hand out to each of the men, to be polite.

"I'm Sebastian, this is Alec and Jane."

"I'm Lee Green, "The police officer said.

The lawyer waved slightly, "I'm Stephen Herondale." One of the doctors at the hospital had that name, I wondered absently if they were related, or married even.

We stood there for a second before we walked up to the house, "Here, the smell of decay is enough to send your lunch from last June back up," Officer Green said, handing us a rather bulky face mask.

Sebastian unlocked the door, I was really quite nervous. I couldn't smell the house, but it would smell pretty bad, all these years of no care. In the main entrance there was no trace of blood on the hard wood floor, the only reminisce of that night was a dent in the wall where Valentine slammed my head against it, a broken bottle of scotch, and some knives that were scattered around. I shivered.

Sebastian led the way up the spiral staircase, to the secret passage we had found to lead to the attic. "Clary, I can't fit through. You, Lee and Jane will have to go up," Sebastian said eyeing the very small crawl space. "I'd hate to do that to you, but it's the only option."

It was just another trip into our secret hiding place: I told myself this as I bent down and undid the latch. I still had my mask on, but Sebastian must not have put his back on, as he gagged.

Jane was close behind me, fitting as easily as I did, I could tell from her rapid breath that she was nervous, Officer Green brought up the back, he had to take off his vest to get through the door.

"Almost there," I called back. We crawled for another few feet, before we reached the opening where the ladder came down too.

"Okay, so Clary, are you sure about this? Officer Green and I can go up if you don't think you can," Jane asked seriously.

I nodded, "I can. If I did it as a kid I can certainly do it now, and let's face it, back then, I was a mad man."

With much struggle Officer Green pulled down the ladder, the rungs looked worn, so Jane went up first, followed by a nervous Officer Green. I climbed up last, I was able to tell myself that it was just another visit up here to escape Valentine with Sebastian.

A harsh smell brought tears to my eyes, whatever had been holding the bodies smell back was long rotted, adding to the harsh smell. Sebastian and I had found a locked door near the back of the attic. None of the keys we had worked, Valentine, I'm pretty sure, slept with it. The door looked much older, and worn, also like someone had been kicking at it.

"You two might want to step back," Officer green said. Jane took my hand and pulled me back towards the other wall. We watched as Officer Green kicked the door in, I heard him gag, and watched as he slowly backed away.

Jane was frozen to the spot, but my curiosity got the best of me and I walked forward so I could see inside the room.

Despite the mask I was holding my breath, I knew the smell of death and decay would be in the air, and didn't think I could handle that. I peaked in enough to see two corpses, long rotted, bones sticking out. I back away and almost ran Jane over.

"Yep, they are here," I said between my tears. I partly flew down the ladder and through the crawl space.

Jane must have remembered the box of pictures and pushed it through with her. Sebastian and Alec were watching me carefully, to see if I would freak out. I wanted to, I wanted to start running around screaming, but that would only prolong my stay at the hospital.

"I'd like to go get my sketch books," I said as we started from the house.

Everyone nodded, "I'll come with you," Sebastian offered.

Sebastian and I headed the opposite way of the others. "I am so sorry."

"You know," I said, like I always did, absently, "That's the line the killers use in horror movies before they kill the victim."

"I couldn't kill you if I wanted. I'm just sorry I didn't take you and run."

I shook my head as I opened my door, "He would have sent someone to kill us, or do it himself."

I put all the sketch books I had, the two photo albums, and a pencil case in a backpack. I looked around the big, light purple room that was mine. Nothing felt like home, it felt like hell. The only thing that felt like home was the old teddy bear that sat on my bed, looking lonely. I had gotten it from my mother, at birth. So Sebastian told me anyway.

I added it to the bag. Sebastian and I walked out back and discarded our masks, Alec and Jane were looking through the big box of things Sebastian kept up there.

"Oh my god, Sebastian, what is this one?" Alec asked, shoving a picture past me to Sebastian.

I didn't want to see any of them. I just wanted to go to sleep, to let all of this fade away from me, but it never would. Like the scars on my arms and legs, they would be here forever.

"This would be Valentine ... molesting," Sebastian said quietly, hoping that I wouldn't hear.

"What? I thought he forced you to," I demanded.

Sebastian shook his head, "I was there, don't you remember, I was tied to the chair?"

My memories were all blurred and mostly forgotten, but that made since. I tried to clear my head, to remember what happened, but I couldn't. Those memories were long gone, forced down sometime during the last six years.

I sat down on the ground and pulled my knees under my chin, I didn't want to remember anything, but some things were popping up just being near the house. "I want it taken down," I said softly.

Sebastian nodded in agreement, "We have to complete an investigation here, we have reason to believe that there are more bodies here," Officer Green said.

"Check the basement, his office, and near that tree in the back," Sebastian said, "But for now I have to take my sister back."

Jane pulled me gently to my feet, "Here, evidence," Sebastian shoved something into his pocket, but closed the box and led the way to the car.

I started to cry about halfway down the road. That would be the only way I could remember my mother, as a decaying corpse. I was molested by my father, and I thought it was my brother because I was so fucked up in the head that I couldn't remember shit.

But I kept calm, I knew that Alec was just waiting for me to freak out but I wasn't going to do that.

We all went to get something to eat. It was wonderful to eat something that wasn't from the hospital. We went back to the hospital, they checked through my bag at the front office, to make sure I didn't have anything that I could hurt myself with.

I told Hodge what went on, and he said I was brave for not freaking out. He admitted that he would have. He also asked me about getting released.

"Do you think you could handle it?"

I nodded slowly, "If I could handle that, then I can handle anything."

Hodge nodded, "Well, before we send anyone off we make them go home, or to see someone who has done something to them, but you had just did."

I was told that I would be released on Friday. In two days.

"Why so soon?" I asked Isabelle as we walked back to my room.

Isabelle smiled down at me, "You have been able to leave since we started you on your medication, but it was the no talking thing that kept you here. But you eat, you take your medication, you speak your mind. You are as normal as you can be."

I nodded, "Can I see Jace today?" I wanted to tell him I was leaving, but that I would come visit whenever he liked.

Isabelle shook her head slowly, "Jace is back in isolation. But Magnus is here to see you."

Magnus sat in one of the chairs in my room and was flipping through a sketch book. "Nice of you to show up," Magnus said when I came in and sat on my bed.

"I'm being released on Friday," I said simply.

Magnus looked taken aback, "Wow, I thought it was later then that! But that's wonderful Clary. Where will you be staying?"

I thought that over, "I don't know. I've got money, but maybe I could stay with Sebastian until I can find an apartment of my own."

Magnus nodded, "I'm living with Alec, like you know," Magnus flushed a bit.

We talked about life outside of here, Magnus got a job as a designer for some company, it must have been a really big job, judging by his excitement level. I told him that I'd like to get a job doing something with art, because other than that I didn't many talents.

Magnus left just before dinner.

I was excited, and scared. I had lived quite a bit of my life in this place, dipping in and out of insanity. But now I would be leaving. I just hoped Hodge was right and I could handle life outside.

I thought of Jace as I tried to fall asleep, I wanted to know why he was in isolation again, hadn't he taken his medication? I felt very sorry for him.

J.P.O.V

His voice echoed off the walls of my head, I wondered why everyone else couldn't see him. Only me. Jonathan yelled and screamed. Before he would take over, and make me yell and scream these things, attack Alec, and other nurses.

I wanted to see Clary, but I wasn't allowed until Jonathan went away. Clary was leaving, Alec had told me while I was sitting there, trying to fight with Jonathan. She was getting released, that was good.

I wanted to go home, I wanted to go see my mother, to go be with Chris. I just wanted things to go back to normal. Except I wanted Clary. I wanted her to still be in my life.

Jonathan tried to make that impossible, he didn't want to leave. But I wanted him gone. They sedated me, injected medicine into me, making him go away.

"Jace, you have to take your pills or he'll come back," Alec said before he removed the restraints from my arms and legs.

I promised Clary I would take my pills, I broke that promise. I would have to make it up, and take them whenever they said, so I could see Clary. So she could see me.

As much as I didn't want to admit it, I needed Clary. More than she needed me anyway. For some reason, that small redhead was the one person who I really needed in life.

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed! It was a really long chapter, so I tried my best. Hope I was able to match personalitys and such, review and tell me what you thought, or think. XD - M<strong>


	5. Chapter 5: New things

**Enjoy! I tried my best to update fast. More reviews would help that! Thanks to those who reviewed**

** Disclamer: I own nothing, im just playing with C.C's amazing creations.**

** R&R**

***This is an edited chapter, re-posted on October 2012***

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><p><span>C.P.O.V<span>

After living in one place for a lot of time, you just get used to living there. But as I was putting what little things I owned in my backpack I felt strange. It was nice to know that I could leave.

I would have to come see Hodge once a week, and I had to make sure to take my medicine, I couldn't let myself forget them, or let myself run out. That wouldn't be good. Simon came to see me, he had gone to see Sebastian, and apologized for almost breaking his nose.

"Are you still with Isabelle?" I asked once I had finished getting my things together.

Simon flushed, "Actually I think so, she's coming to see my band play tonight again."

"Brave woman, what's the name again?"

Simon rolled his eyes, "The Daylighters."

I nodded, "That sounds better than the mutant waffles."

Isabelle came in with my lunch, she flushed when she saw Simon. "I think Jane is coming to get you tomorrow," She said.

I smiled and thanked her. Simon stayed until a little before dinner, he said he had to go get ready to rock, or something cheesy like that.

Alec brought me my dinner, when he came after he told me that I could go see Jace. "What is wrong with him?"

Alec frowned as we walked, "We're not sure, but sometimes he will do exactly what he's told, other times he gets violent, and can't think straight. He's an awful lot bigger then you, so it's not as easy to detain him."

I nodded, Isabelle could easily handle me, but Jace was a trained fighter, I wasn't. I was led to the bottom floor again, poor Jace. I felt really bad for him, it wasn't something that was pleasant to go through. Losing your mind.

When Alec unlocked Jace's door, Jace flinched back. He sat on his floor, looking nervous. "It's only us Jace, Clary and Alec," Alec said softly.

Jace nodded and looked up at us nervously, "Did you take your medicine Jace?" I asked.

I slowly moved towards him, not wanting to startle him. Jace nodded and watched me as I moved closer to him, he looked scared. I sat down in front of him. "Is Jonathan gone?"

Jace nodded again, "Are you leaving? "Jace asked softly in a childlike voice.

"Yes I am, tomorrow. But if you take your medicine, and Jonathan stays away, I can come see you, and you'll get to go home too," Jace took my hand and looked at it.

"Do you promise to come back?" Jace asked softly.

"Of course. I'll come see you as soon as I get settled, and if I'm allowed I'll come see you tomorrow before I leave. But you have to take your pills."

Jace nodded slowly, his blond hair fell in his eyes, it was much longer then it had been when he first arrived. "I promise Clary," Jace spoke so softly that he was just barely above a whisper.

"Nothing bad will happen if you do what the doctors say. I did, now I get to go home."

"Where will you go?" Jace asked curiously.

"My brothers probably."

"You have a brother?"

I smiled at him, "Yes, Sebastian Morgenstern."

Jace studied me for a moment, "I... I think I went to school with him. Chris and I did."

"Yes you did. Sebastian remembers you. He's getting married in September."  
>Jace nodded slowly, still looking at our intertwined fingers.<p>

"Are you leaving me forever?" Jace asked, he finally looked up. His tawny eyes were filled with tears.

"No! Jace, I promise, I will be back to see you. As long as you want me to come visit, I will."

From what I knew about him, Jace had to be strong his entire life. From a young age, when his father died in combat. But now, he was so fragile, so broken. Someone strong had to be there for him, I would be there, but whether or not I was "strong" was a topic of discussion.

"Thank you," Jace muttered softly.

"For what?"

Jace smiled sadly, "For not leaving."

I couldn't help but snort, "Oh my. When I met you I hadn't spoken in three years in fear of the voices coming back, but I promised, I'm not going anywhere."

Alec opened the door, "Clary, it's time to go. You have to go see Hodge." He closed it behind him.

"I'll talk to Alec, to see if I can see you before I leave. Take your medicine Jace."

Jace nodded and pulled both of us to our feet, he hugged me tightly. Before I left I kissed his cheek, "Goodnight Jace."

Jace looked at me, his tawny eyes were wide, he looked like a puppy who had been kicked more times then he should have been. "Sleep well Clary."

I allowed Alec to lead me back to my room, I wondered how Jace could ever hurt a fly, he looked so sad and broken. But then again, the way he was now might just be an after effect of his time with Jonathan.

"Can I go see Jace before I leave tomorrow?" I asked once we were almost to Dr .Hodge's office.

"Sure, you can go after breakfast."

Alec opened Hodge's door for me, the man was seated in his big leather chair, looking through a big book, "Hello Clary."

"Hi Mr. Hodge."

Hodge gestured for me to take my seat, "So do you have any anxiety about leaving tomorrow?"

I nodded honestly, "Yeah. Not much, but I can't help but wonder how much this will influence if I get into schools, or apartments, or jobs."

Hodge nodded, "Well it'll only be on your medical records, and we released you, you didn't escape. So you should be good."

"Well that's good. Do you think I'll relapse?"

"No," Hodge said slowly, "No, I don't think so. You know the truth, you know better than to not take your pills. You know what would happen."

"I don't plan on ever not taking my pills."

"Well that's good," Hodge scribbled something down, "How do you feel about the trial? As it will begin very soon."

I shrugged, "I'm not sure what to expect. I'm hoping they won't let Valentine anywhere near me, considering what happened last time." I shivered and folded my hands on my lap.

"They won't Clary. Sebastian will be with you, you'll get to meet with the lawyer beforehand, so you can know what to expect."

"Okay. Do you know what he's being charged with?"

Hodge thought that over for a moment, "I'm not completely sure, but Abuse is in there, attempted murder, for you and Sebastian. Sexual assault, Murder on quite few accounts. But Sebastian and Jane know for sure."

"I'll ask them."

Hodge studied me, "Clary I have witnessed you change quite a bit, I'd just to let you know that I think you'll have a good life from now on, now that Valentine will be put away."

"Thank you Mr. Hodge, but you'll still see me a few times a week. So don't get to sentimental, I didn't speak to you much."

"Can I ask why you decided to speak to Jace?"

I smiled slightly, "I promised Jace that when he could walk and see again, I would speak. I had been promised so many things that didn't happen in my life, I want to keep all promises I make. I don't like being let down."

Hodge nodded, like he knew exactly what I was talking about. Well then again, he probably did, he was a doctor. "Well its time that you went to bed," Alec said from the door.

"I'll see you next week Clary, remember Thursdays and Tuesdays."

"Of course Mr. Hodge, I will see you on Tuesday."

I followed Alec from the room, he was humming lightly, "You're in a good mood," I commented as we walked back to my room.

"Oh, I didn't even realize that I was."

I smiled at Alec ,his black hair was a mess, and his eyes were somewhere else. "How's Magnus?"

"Oh, he's good. Enjoying his job. I wouldn't be surprised if he harassed you until you went shopping with him. He's enjoying his life to say the least."

"Sounds like Magnus," I smiled impishly ,"How are you two?"

Alec flushed, and looked down at me, "We're good thanks," Alec shook his head and opened my door for me. "Jane, I'm pretty sure, is bringing you some clothes to wear when she comes to get you."

"Thanks, I'll see you in the morning."

Alec locked my door when I walked in, I was looking forward to sleeping in a room where the door wasn't locked, where I could open a window! I took out my sketch book and drew the different rooms I spent my time in here. The group room with the big piano, my room with the small bed, the small bathroom, Mr. Hodge's office, the nurses' station. I also drew the garden out back.

When I was happy with my drawings of the building, and the people in it who I had dealt with the most I put the book in my backpack and turned off my lights. I laid there for a long time, thinking things over.

I wondered what would happen with Valentine, where I could get a job, what would happen to the house. That was all the imminent stuff, marriage, kids all of those things that little girls wanted when they were little. A big fluffy dress. I wasn't sure if I wanted that, or if I could handle that. Could I handle children, all the stress they brought. I would have to ask Hodge sometime.

I slipped into sleep thinking of my future...

"Clary! "Isabelle said brightly, waking me from sleep. "Morning!" I groaned and looked at the beautiful woman, she also seemed to be in a good mood.

"Hey, ohh, cereal," I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"It's got real fruit in it today!"

I ate my breakfast and got dressed in the usual outfit. Alec came to get my tray, and take me to see Jace.

We walked down to Jace's room, I was in an extremely good mood, until I walked into Jace's room. His tray was untouched on his bed, and he was rocking back and forth on the floor. Alec looked nervously at me, and walked over to the intercom on the outside wall, and called for backup, but I didn't think he'd need it.

I took the small cup with two pills inside and the cup of water and walked over to Jace. He didn't look up at me, he looked nervous. "Jace? Is Jonathan back?"

Jace shook his head and looked up at me, "Here, take this for me?" I handed him the two cups.

"Will they hurt me? I had a dream that the pills would hurt me," Jace said in a childlike voice.

I shook my head, "I promise they won't Jace. Trust me," I patted his knee and watched as he swallowed the pills.

Jace waited for pain, or something to happen, but nothing. "Are all things in my dreams fake Clary?"

"Usually Jace. Nothing they give you here will hurt you. They only want to help you. Nothing here will hurt you, go eat your breakfast."

Jace stood up and helped me to my feet, I watched him as he slowly ate, like he was scared something would bite him.

Alec walked in and took his tray, "Clary, Jane is here for you. Time to say goodbye."

Jace looked like a sad puppy again, "Will you come see me?"

"Of course Jace, I already promised I would. Whenever I can I'll come see you. Okay?"

Jace stood up and hugged me tightly, "You can only come see me if I do what they say?" I nodded and Jace did the same.

"I'll come see you as soon as I can Jace. Be good, "I kissed his cheek and left the room. Jace watched me go sadly, he looked like he wanted to cry again. "I promise Jace. I'll come see you."

I followed Alec up to my room, "That was impressive back there. With Jace, he doesn't listen well, "Alec smiled," We'll have to call you if we can't get him to listen."

I shrugged, "Not like I plan on doing anything."

Jane was sitting on my bed, looking through a sketch book I had failed to put away. "You are very good," She said, "Here are your things."

Jane had brought me a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. When I came out of the bathroom Jane smiled at me, "We have to go shopping, to get you the clothes you need."

I nodded nervously, and put what I had been wearing in my bag, and slung that over my shoulder. My room looked like it had six years ago when I first walked in here, accompanied by Beth and Alec, who had been a nurse in training at the time. Empty, plain, nothing in it.

Isabelle was waiting for Jane and I outside, we walked down to the front desk. For the first time in six years I would be leaving this building and going to a home. Alec, Beth, Kyree, James, Mr. Hodge, Celine Herondale, they were waiting to say good bye, all the people I had worked with personally.

Jane waited patiently as I hugged them, I would see most of them before I when came to see Mr. Hodge. Isabelle gave me my prescriptions, and I put those in my bag, she and Alec both reminded me dozens of times to take them on time, as if I would forget.

Jane led me out to what must have been her car, I slid into the passenger's side and smiled to myself. I was free, I was as sane as could be.

"Jane?" I asked when we pulled out of the parking lot, "What is Valentine being charged for?"

The small woman looked at me from the corner of her eyes, "He's being charged for assault on a minor two cases, sexual assault on a minor two accounts, attempted murder on seven accounts, second degree murder on six accounts, and first degree murder on two accounts."

"WHAT? What... Who did he kill?" Oh dear lord, out for two minutes and I was already freaking out.

"Your mother, your 'nanny', your Tudor, four men who he worked with, and an... an un-identified child."

"Sexual assault, who was the second account?"

Jane's frown deepened, "Sebastian was. It came out the other day. But your statement has been used, you may not even need to be tried."

I hoped she was right, I didn't want to have to testify, I would say something wrong, or get confused, or they would use my sanity against me. "What's going to happen to the house?"

"If Valentine gets the death penalty, which is likely, his will come into play, if not Sebastian is leaving it up to you."

I nodded, Jane drove to a suburb, a little into the small neighborhood she turned up a small driveway, "Welcome home Clary, "Jane said pleasantly.

I pulled my bag out of the car with me. Jane unlocked the door for me.

The house was nice, not close to the size of the Morgenstern house, but a good size, two floors and a basement, a deck and backyard, a nice kitchen, four bedrooms. It was the perfect little house. I felt slightly out of place.

"You can stay here, it's the guest room, but it's yours," Jane opened a door for me directly across from the bathroom. A mostly empty medium sized blue room with a small bed, dresser and night table. "I like it," I said setting my bag down, "Thank you. So much."

"Why are you thanking me?" Jane asked, blushing a little, "You are family."

That made me smile slightly, "Well you know my family. I'm not used to this kind of treatment. I mean, come on. Most people wouldn't let a person fresh out of an Asylum stay in their house."

Jane shrugged, "Either way. We have to get you what you need to live here, clothes, a new tooth brush, some shampoo. Usual stuff," Jane took my hand and pulled me downstairs. "You'd mother set up a bank account for you when you were little. It draws from Valentines account. I think you're good for money." I put my lunch time pill into my pocket

I nodded and followed Jane back to the car. Sebastian really picked an amazing woman, she was so.. so nice. "How can you be so relaxed about this? About Sebastian's past?"

Jane smiled as she pulled out of the driveway, "Well, Clary," Jane drove towards the main part of town, "When I met Sebastian he was very vague about his past and family. But about a year after we started to date he told me everything. About you about his father. HE expected me to run away hiding. But I didn't."

"Wow, you are an incredible woman," I muttered mostly to myself.

"No, I just know how sweet of a man Sebastian is. He's nothing like Valentine, I love Sebastian. He loves me, that's all that really matters to me."

I decided then that I liked Jane, I didn't know much about her, but she was so different from some people out there. She pulled into the parking lot of the mall, I hadn't been here in quite a while. Valentine didn't like 'family outings' very much.

"Have you thought about doing graphic design? Or working for comic books?" Jane asked as we walked into the mall.

"Not really, I'm not sure what I'd like to do."

Jane and I got everything that I would need, clothes, and everything else. I learned a lot about her as we walked around. Like the fact that she had two older brothers and two younger brothers. The fact that she was originally from Japan, but moved here when she was six, the fact that she worked for a small printing company. That produced comic books. She even offered to give a reference on my resume if I wanted to apply for a job there at some point.

When we got home, a little before four, Sebastian was home. I asked him about the trial.

"Its most likely that he'll get the death penalty. He's got eight accounts of murder, he abused his children and raped them each. No jury would give him anything less. But trial starts on Monday."

I went up to bed that night, the window was open, letting air blow in. The door was cracked open. I was happy. Sebastian and Jane were happy, they didn't seem to mind me staying with them at all.

I couldn't help but think of Jace as I looked out at the stars. It felt childish to worry about him, because he was in a hospital, but I missed him. Even though I'd see him soon.

J.P.O.V

As much as I shouldn't, I missed Clary. She was really one of the people who I felt comfortable with. I didn't know why. But I knew, that given time, I would love the small red head, who brought some sanity to my life.

Her soft words, her kind promises. I realized with a rush, that I was well on my way to loving her. I only loved family, not slightly crazy (like me) girls with broken pasts, but something about her drew me in.

I promised myself that when I was better, I would play the piano for Clary. It wasn't a big deal to anyone else, but I only ever played for my family. It was probably stupid, but it was a way of showing affection. I knew Chris and my mother would inform her that she was the first girl to hear me play.

I knew Clary Morgenstern, no matter of what her past was like or what our future was like, would be the first girl I loved.

I sunk a bit deeper into my bed, I didn't want to sink into nightmares of Iraq, but they were coming, like they always did.

He

**Hope you enjoyed. Lemme know what you thought. Review, or hey, even P.M. Eather way, I need feedback! **

**Thanks again to those wonderful reviewers, keep em' comming.**

** For now, carry on my wayward sons.**

** XD - M**

y, I thought to myself, At least Jonathan is gone.


	6. Chapter 6:Medial and Medical

**Sorry that it took long, I was at a loss for what to throw at you lovelys next. So don't kill me and review. XD**

** Disclamer: I don't own these wonderful charecters, they belong to the absoultly fantastic Cassandra Clare!**

*Edited chapter, re-posted on October 2012*

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><p><span>C.P.O.V<span>

"Are you ready for this Clary?" Sebastian asked for the millionth time as we neared the court house.

I nodded and straightened up the shirt I wore, Jane took Sebastian's hand from the passenger's side. "Don't worry about her Seb, she's a strong girl, "Jane whispered.

My first session with Hodge after leaving the hospital had went well, we didn't have much to talk about, I was comfortable where I was, I took my pills, I wasn't becoming depressed again and I didn't have and anxiety. Well not much.

I wasn't really worried for myself though, I was more worried for Jace. I knew it was irrational to worry about someone who was "safe" inside a mental institute, but Penelope Garrowy had managed to kill herself, not that I thought Jace would do that. He.. he was always different when I went to see him. Sometimes he was that cocky man that I first met, sometimes he was a broken boy who wanted nothing but for everything to end. What scared me the most was when he was quiet. He reminded me of myself, when I had stopped speaking.

When I had gone to see him on Tuesday, when I had gone to see Hodge, he hardly said anything to me, he just watched me carefully, like he was trying to decide something utterly important. The pained look on his face said that he was battling something inside him.

"Let's go," Sebastian said, bringing me from my thoughts. "We're here."

I followed Jane and Sebastian into the court house. We had to first get through security, anything they thought would be a weapon they put in a little box for us to get later. I was so nervous as we neared the court room, where my father's fate would be decided.

Jane, Sebastian and I sat behind our lawyer. Time went really fast, and in what seemed like five minutes our lawyer was presenting the case to the judge and jury. The jury, filled with people, kept stealing glances at Sebastian and I.

Our Lawyer presented the evidence that we had recovered at our trip to my home. I couldn't watch as the pictures were presented, all those bruises and scars that had covered my body were now in the eyes of everyone in the room.

The defense lawyer who was seated beside my father looked disgusted, but kept his composure. When it was his turn he started out that for all the jury knew it was all Sebastian's doing, he just wanted his father to be framed, I think he was trying to get a rise out of Sebastian, who just shook his head and frowned.

"The defense wishes to call Clarissa Morgenstern to the stands," The defense said.

I was escorted up the witness stand by a man in uniform, they swore me in. I really didn't want to be in this position. They would obviously play on my sanity.

"Miss Morgenstern," The defense said, not looking me in the eye, "Is it true that you were in a mental hospital for six years?"

"Yes, Sir," Here we go, as all I could think.

"And is it true that you do not have a good recollection of your memories?" He asked, still avoiding my eyes, "Due to the medications you need to take?"

I looked at Sebastian and Jane, both looked nervous, they expected me to freak out any second. "Yes it is."

"If you don't have a proper memory of those supposed events, then how can you say that it is really Mr. Morgenstern who supposedly did this to you?"

I sighed, "I have some memories, those that have not been repressed. It should also be taken into account the fact that Sebastian Morgenstern would have been nothing but a child when some of these things took place, and he would have been very unable to do them."

With that statement the people of the jury looked at me a bit closer, I believe they thought that I was stupid. "Do you recall the night of December 15, 1998?"

"Yes," I said slowly, "Yes I do, Sir."

"What do you recall happened?" He was trying to get me to slip up, but it wasn't going to happen, I was perf...I had enough sanity to keep it together.

"Well, around seven thirty of that night Valentine Morgenstern returned home from work to find his wife, Cassandra Morgenstern, packed up to leave the house with both of her children. He proceeded to hit Cassandra Morgenstern until she was almost unconscious. Cassandra tried to fight back, but was unable, Valentine Morgenstern strangled her to death around eight forty-five. Both of his children, Sebastian and Myself were in the room."

Everyone was now looking at me, even the judge. "How old were you at this time, Miss Morgenstern?"

I had no idea how this question was relevant, "Six years old," I said slowly.

The man nodded and went over to his desk, he pulled out a picture and brought it over to the witness stand, I bit my lip and looked down at the photo. I didn't want to see it.

It was a picture of my mother, dead. I hadn't known Sebastian had taken this picture. She was beaten, badly. She had hand prints around her neck. A clock was behind her, the time said nine-o- five. "Is this woman your mother?"

"Yes, Sir," I said through clenched teeth.

"Irreverent!" My Lawyer said from the stands.

"Order," The judge said wearily, "Defense if you have no further questions release the witness."

"The defense has no further questions, "The man looked at me sadly, before returning to his spot.

After a ten minute recess we were called back in, the defense lawyer looked like he wanted to stop representing Valentine. My lawyer was confidant, as was Sebastian. Jane took my hand and patted it gently as more pictures came out.

They brought up what I had said, that Sebastian was too small to have done the size hand prints. Sebastian was called up.

They asked him about him being forced to hit me, about the stabbings, about whether or not I should be put in jail, for my attempted murder of my father and brother. Sebastian spoke calmly.

The judge sent the jury to the deliberate. This was the third day of the trial, but my first day. Sebastian didn't want me there while they went over the other murders and had photos of the bodies, and over the rape. It wouldn't be good for me.

After thirty minutes the members of the jury came back in, A small pale woman stood up, "The jury has decided, by unanimous decision that the defendant, Valentine Morgenstern, is guilty of all charges."

I released the breath I had been holding in, he would be put to justice. The judge banged his little hammer thingy that I didn't know the name of against the small wooden circle.

The judge spoke, but all that stuck in my head was 'death penalty'. Sure the case would have to go through different levels of government, but, there was no chance he would ever see the outside of a prison again. I thanked the lord that Oregon still had the death penalty, Valentine deserved it. He took everything away from Sebastian and I. He deserved whatever the fuck came to him.

We were all quiet during the drive home. I didn't feel bad for wishing my father dead, I mean how could I? He had hurt me so many time i'd lost count. None of us said much as we sat there that night, eating dinner.

"The house," Sebastian said quietly, "I want it torn down. Rebuilt."

I nodded, "I was thinking the same actually."

Jane also nodded in agreement, "I don't want my children to grow up in the country side, I'd prefer to live here, in the main part of the city," Jane said softly.

"I was thinking the same. I just want Clary to have it, we should start looking for a different house though," Sebastian said thoughtfully, "This one is big, but I'd rather be closer to schools. Maybe you and Clary could start looking in the city."

Sebastian smiled at me and took the dishes into the kitchen, "Would you like that? Or is there something else you had to do?" Jane asked, smiling.

I was a bit taken aback, they actually wanted me to be a part of the selection of the house they would start their family in. "Well you've got to be sick of me by now. I've done nothing for the last week but follow you around. Don't you have to plan your wedding? It's in less than a month, and I don't want to intrude in anything."

I really didn't want them to feel like I had to be included, I wasn't their problem. I was just stepping into their lives, but the second they wanted me out I would be gone. Jane looked at me knowingly.

"Don't worry Clary, you aren't intruding. If we didn't want you to help we wouldn't ask. Don't worry," Jane assured me, "Besides now that Sebastian's taking up some more hours, and I have the next three months off, I'll need someone's help. Because my brothers aren't much help. With the wedding, and because Seb is at work someone has to find an appropriate place."

I felt.. I felt loved. For one of the first times in my life, I truly felt loved. I felt like there were people who loved me.

"Speaking of the wedding," Sebastian said coming back into the dining room, "The woman from the dress shop called, your dress is done."

Jane nodded, her breath picked up a bit. She was really nervous. "I'm going to bed, I'll see you in the morning."

I had to go into see Hodge, to tell him about the trial, and how I felt. I also wanted to see Jace. I changed and crawled into my bed, despite it being the middle of the summer I still slept with blankets on. I found them comforting.

I listened to Sebastian and Jane talking about houses, and about the wedding, Jane was listening to what Sebastian wanted. I slipped into sleep listening to Sebastian.

"Hey! Clary, you wanna come with me?" Jane called up the stairs.

"Where?" I groaned, rolling out of bed.

I heard Jane laugh, "House shopping and to get my final fitting!" Jane said brightly from outside my door.

I hurried to get dressed and get my sneakers on. Jane stood in the living room, frozen in front of the T.V. "What?" I asked, standing at her side.

Jane shook her head, "A fire, a bad one at an orphanage. Its rather depressing to hear about that."

Jane and I drove to a small bridal shop, inside two identical blonde women ran over to Jane and I. "This is my future sister in law," Jane said, "Clary."

The blonde women smiled, "I'm Terri, and this is Lorrie. We work with Jane." With that they pulled Jane and I to the back of the shop, where a dress was inside a changing room, the three of us waited for the small woman to get into her dress.

I wondered absently if I would ever get married. Jace automatically popped into my head, I pushed the thought from my head and watched as Jane came out, the dress wasn't big or poufy, it was small and nice. Jane looked beautiful, Sebastian was a lucky man, finding a girl like Jane.

"How come we've never met you before?" Lorrie asked as we looked at veils and shoes.

I looked at Jane briefly, she looked panicked. "Sebastian and I weren't close."

"We saw the trial results. Are you happy about them?" Terri asked carefully, she was choosing her words carefully, so not to set me off.

Jane frowned, "What did the papers say about the trial?" Jane asked, we were now looking at dresses in a different part of the store.

"Everything. The evidence that came out, the body count, where you were," Terri said, "Clary. Well if it's any consolation I think you're perfectly sane."

Jane and I snorted at the same time, "Thanks, I think your sane as well."

Jane and I went to her office to collect what she needed to for the next couple days work, Jane went into her bosses office to speak to him about some project she had to do, so I just sat at her desk sketching. My favorite pastime.

"Are you Jane's replacement? "A pudgy man in glasses asked me.

I looked around for a second, "Me?" When he nodded I smirked, "No, I'm her sister in law, just waiting for her."

The man nodded and walked away, probably to his own desk. Another man walked up to the desk, he didn't say anything, he only looked at what I was drawing. "You're hired!" He said, before turning to leave.

"I'm not here for a job, I'm Jane's sister in law."

"Do you currently have a place of employment?" He asked, looking down at the drawing of Jane I had done.

"No...B..."

"No buts! You are hired!"

Jane walked out, folders in hand. "Stephen, not bothering my sister are you?"

"Nope, only hiring her."

Jane looked at me, I just shrugged, "Clary can fill out an application if she wants to. I've got one at home. But for now we've got a wedding to plan."

"Who are you marrying again?" Stephen asked slyly.

Jane showed Stephen the picture of Sebastian. Stephen nodded and looked sort'a scared, "Okay. You should apply Clary, we need a new... drawer...?"

I nodded and followed Jane from the building. "You do have a lot of artistic talent, you should apply, send in some drawings. I have to check out a house in town, and then we can find you a dress."

"Terri and Lorrie are you two brides maids?" I asked.

"Yes, and my cousin Lin-Chieu."

I smiled, I was happy to be a part of these medial tasks, like looking at houses and picking out their flaws, shopping. Helping Jane look at brides maids dresses. Helping with the final choices in flowers and cake. I enjoyed it.

The following day Jane dropped me off at the hospital for my appointment with Hodge, to get my prescriptions filled, and of course to see Jace.

Beth was waiting at the front desk when I arrived in the physic ward, as they called it. "Hello Clary," Beth said, "How are you doing?"

"I'm good," I smiled, "How's work going?"

"She goes, she goes. Oh!" Beth waved Isabelle over. "Isabelle, would you take Clary to see Hodge please?" Beth asked.

Isabelle nodded and led me to Dr. Hodge Starkweather's office.

Once I was seated on the couch Hodge surveyed me carefully, "How do you feel about your fathers suggested punishment?"

"It's what he deserves," I said coolly, "Anything less wouldn't be right. I understand it has to go through different levels of government first, but it's that or life in prison with no parole for fifty years."

Hodge nodded, we discussed any anxiety I had over anything, any buried feelings, how I felt about the trial. All rather normal questions. As always when our session was done he smiled and promised to see me next week.

"May I go visit Jace?"

Hodge bit his lip, "He refuses to speak, and his vision has declined again, so he can't really see, not until after his procedure. But he hadn't been showing any signs of Jonathan."

I nodded and left the room, "Hello Clary," Alec said brightly. "How was your visit?"

"Good," I smiled and followed him down the familiar halls, he knew where I was going, "How's Magnus?"

Alec chuckled, "I was told to give you this. Magnus want's a date." Alec handed me a piece of neon pink paper that had Magnus' number written on it. "Also, there's something wrong with Jace, I don't know what. But he's very.. different."

Alec opened the door to Jace's room. The Jace in question was sitting on his bed, knees drawn up to his chin, hair falling everywhere. He didn't even look up, only forward. I was reminded with sad remembrance of myself, not so long ago.

"Jace?" I asked ,"Jace it's me. Clary."

Jace looked in my general direction, but not at me. "Jace, what's wrong? Why won't you talk to anyone?" I slowly walked forward to sit on the edge of his bed. I took Jace's hand.

"I have nothing to say to them. And my head really hurts," Jace looked so much like he wanted to cry it broke my heart.

"What is making it hurt Jace?" I asked, "Is it the medicine? Is it Jonathan?"

Jace shook his head, "Jonathan isn't real Clary, I know that. My medicine only helps, it's something else. Like someone is stabbing or hitting me really hard," Jace sounded to innocent and childlike I wanted to cry.

"Jace," Alec said, "You have some more visitors. We don't usually allow this, but since its Clary she can stay."

Jace clutched at my hand, holding it even tighter, "Who is it Clary? "He whispered, suddenly very nervous.

"It's your mother, and Chris Jace." I patted his hand and watched as his mother Jocelyn, and Chris sat down.

"Jace, honey?" Jocelyn asked quietly. Jace looked just over her head, "Jace what's wrong? Hodge says that you haven't been feeling too good lately, what is it?"

Jace frowned and his bottom lip trembled, "It's my head, it hurts, all the time."

"You have to tell someone Jace," Chris said quietly, "Even if it's only Clary. She'll make sure that you get help. I know she will. Just tell someone Jace. Okay? We almost lost you once. Make sure to take care of yourself."

Jace nodded and squeezed my hand, "We were just here to get some blood tests for Chris, and we have to leave, but we promise to come back soon."

Jace nodded and waited for his mother to hug him, Jace kept a tight grip on my hand as he hugged her. "See you at the wedding Clary, see you soon Jace buddy, tell Alec, Or Isabelle or Hodge about how you feel okay?"

Jace nodded, "I promise. I will... Hopefully you will be here to visit me soon," Jace shied away from saying 'see you soon' as he wouldn't be seeing much for now.

I waved to Jocelyn and Chris. Alec watched Jace and I from the corner of his eyes. Clearly surprised that Jace was speaking to me. "Where in your head does it hurt?"

"It's all over." Jace looked at the spot just over my head not knowing where my eyes were. "It just hurts so much." Jace's bottom lip quivered, he looked like he was trying too hard to hold back the tears that threatened his golden eyes.

"It's okay to cry Jace," I patted his hand softly, "I am right here."

Jace started to rock back and forth slowly, he crossed his legs and buried his head in his hands. "I just want it to end," He moaned.

"Alec!" I waved Alec over as I rubbed Jace's back. "Jace its okay, Alec is coming. I'll be right back." I stood up to meet Alec. "He says that his head hurts all, and its not his medication or what was formally known as Jonathan. I'm kinda concerned."

Alec looked at Jace, "Any way you can get him to calm down enough to get him to the hospital?"

I nodded and looked back at Jace, his hands were against the sides of his head, and he was shaking. "Jace?" I whispered. "Jace you need to calm down. Alec is going to take you to see a doctor."

Jace lifted his head and nodded slowly, "Can you come with me?" I looked at Alec, who nodded and rushed from the room.

I helped Jace to his feet and held his arm, Jace was much taller than I was. Alec and Isabelle came in, to see Jace trying to keep it together. Isabelle was pushing a wheelchair. I helped Jace find his seat.

"How long has your head been hurting Jace?" Isabelle asked as we walked to the hospital part.

"I don't remember," Jace said ,"A long time. At first I thought it was Jonathan, but even after he was gone, the ponding was still there."

After being checked out by a doctor, Jace was taken in for x-rays. I called Jane to tell her I wouldn't need a ride for a little while later. Jace was scared, for some reason he wanted me to stay with him. So, for some reason I complied. I knew how bad hospitals were, especially if you had ad experiences in them.

"Alexander, Isabelle I need to speak to you," The doctor said shortly after Jace was asleep on pain medicine. I listened, because they were just outside the door.

"What's wrong with him?"

"We need to do further tests," The doctor said quietly, "But I think I know what is causing everything that is wrong with Jace, and you won't like it."

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><p><strong>Hope you liked it. I put a little cliff hanger in there to inspire you to review. Im going to ask for three reviews before I update, its a small number, there are more then that favorited to following the story.. So yeah, review please Also you should check out my other M.I ff, its an after C.O.L.S story, soo future, I like it, so yeah. And One by 'FireyLillies' called 'Ash Academy' they are amazing, so check them out.. And imma go write now! <strong>

** Carry on my Wayword sons! -M**


	7. Chapter 7: Making him comortable

**Well... erm... Awkward... I totally didn't forget about you guys... not at all... Sooo yeah, enjoy! If you don't want such long pauses REVIEW more! Comeo onnn! Please! Its like the best feeling a person can get! So yeah, Review or P.M tellin me what you think. So yeah, ... Review my lovelys!**

** Disclamer... I own nothing... nothing atalll!.**

** Enjoy -M**

***Re-edited chapter, posted on October 2012***

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><p>C.P.O.V<p>

I looked down at Jace, he was asleep, his breathing shallow and his golden skin clammy. I wanted to wake him up and tell him everything, but I decided to wait, leaving Christopher and Jocelyn to tell Jace.

Alec had called them telling them that they had to get here, from the panic in Alec's voice Jocelyn and Chris decided to hurry over. I listened again as the doctor explained what was going on and what had to happen.

I called Sebastian to tell him where I was, I could imagine him nodding solemnly and frowning at Jane. Jocelyn and Chris joined me at Jace's beside; neither was too surprised to see me there. "Would you wake him please Clarissa?" Jocelyn asked me, her tone was motherly; it was a bit difficult to hear the love in her voice and not know the love of a mother.

I just nodded and took Jace's hand, "Jace, its Clary. You have to open your eyes, okay? Time to wake up," I squeezed Jace's hand. His eyelids started to flutter gently, before he forced his eyes open.

I imminently knew there was something wrong by the way his eyes were fixed on a point just over my shoulder, his eyesight was gone again. "What's... Tell me what's wrong," Jace demanded, his lips were in a hard line.

Jocelyn took his other hand, "Jace, honey. We figured out what the problem is, it isn't P.T.S.D or multiple personality disorder, Jace, honey you have a brain tumor."

Jace's expression went hard, unreadable and cool. He squeezed my hand tightly, "Ca... Wi... Is..."Jace was unable to form a full word without his voice breaking.

"The doctor said you'll start Chemo soon, and then remove the tumor. You'll pull through this honey."

I looked at Jocelyn, she was beautiful in a way that made me jealous, and her blonde hair curled down her back, her bright eyes, dark green reminded me of my own. Her face was contorted with pain, trying to hold herself together for Jace, she had no idea if Jace would pull through, and I knew this. I don't know why the idea of losing someone I knew so little about terrified me so much, but it did.

We sat there, Jocelyn and I, holding his hands for who knows how long. I was looking down at Jace, memorizing his beautifully perfect face. My fingers itched for a pencil and paper, I wanted to memorize him forever this way. Calm, drug induced sleep, at the worry was wiped off of his face, he looked soft and beautifully childlike.

After an uncountable about of seconds Jocelyn met my eyes and jerked her head towards the door, she frowned deeply when she let of Jace's hand. I kissed his forehead before leaving, I don't know why I did that, but something compelled me to.

Jocelyn and I walked down to the cafeteria in silence, it wasn't until we both sat at a brightly painted table over steaming tea that she opened her mouth, "If you'd like to run screaming now I'd understand. It's a lot to take in, something easily fixed with medication is one thing, but C... This isn't. Please don't leave him halfway through when he is pressed for life."

I just shook my head, "I don't want to go anywhere. I don't plan on it anyway, I don't know him very well yet, but I plan on sticking around to_ get _ to know him."

Jocelyn looked shocked, she looked very taken aback, "I am glad to hear that Clarissa, Jace feels very strongly for you. Do you need a ride home, its early?"

I looked at the clock on the wall and was shocked, it read just after 3am. I hadn't realized I stayed there that long.

J.P.O.V

The pain was unimaginable, like anything I had ever felt before. My head seemed to be splitting in half, at some point during the second night of my stay in the hospital I imagined Athena stepping out of my head, in full battle gear. But I realized how insane that thought sounded and kept it to myself.

Clary and Chris sat at my sides as I forced down some gross tasting Jell-O. Both trying to keep the mood light. "Clary, will you draw me something? "Chris asked quietly when they thought I had fallen asleep.

Clary must have nodded because I heard her rummaging through the bag at her feet for her notebook, as her pencil was in her hair, where she once had told me she always kept it.

"When Jace was about ten we went to New York, I wanted a picture of his him, stunned in the middle of times square, how I remember him," Chris described the scene that I remembered.

"I'll try my best, "Clary promised. Clary started to draw the lines, I could hear the light sound of her pencil to the paper. Chris set to humming quietly as Clary drew. I wished I could see it.

I imagined Clary, her long dark red and golden curls tied back in a knot, curly pieces springing free, her small knees would be resting on the arm of the chair, her nimble artists fingers tracing the lines of myself.

I then imagined Chris, his blond hair much like my own, handing in curly blond waves over his forehead, his eyes would be on the celling and his hands folded on his stomach, his legs were stretched across to the edge of my head, he would have a blonde colored beard growing like myself, from the long time he had been at my bedside. Four days straight. Chris and Clary.

"Hey! I brought coffee!" Someone said brightly from the doorway, causing all three of us to jump. I reflexively looked to the doorway, I was unable to see and sighed. "Who is it?" I asked.

"Magnus bane! and Alec!" Magnus said brightly. "Looking good Jace, working the beard both of you!" Magnus said brightly, I felt a Magnus leaning over me.

I listened as Clary stood up and helped me to sit up and pressed a warm cup into my hand, "Ginger tea, like the one I had last night," Clary said softly, "The one you liked." I smiled as Clary blew on the tea for me so I wouldn't burn myself.

"I'm not five Clary," I pointed out when Clary put the cup to my lips for me. "Yes, but you also can't see. So I'd rather not have to explain why you have giant red burns on your chest to your nurse later on, so be a good little boy and drink the tea," Clary said, fighting the smile in her voice.

I couldn't help but realize that Clary seemed to be trying very hard to make me smile, to make everything easy for me. She was always by my side, and when she wasn't she was constantly texting or calling me to make sure I was okay. I never liked being taken care of, it wasn't the way I was raised, but for some reason I didn't mind Clary's fussing about me.

I could feel the atmosphere in the room drop to a cold level, "Okay, what is it?" I demanded shifting uncomfortably.

"Jace, it's time to go for your first chemotherapy session, okay? "My nurse Helen asked quietly.

Alec and Magnus both patted my shoulder and muttered their words of encouragement and promised to visit when I was able to have visitors again. Chris hugged me tightly, "Everything'll be alright bro, see you on the flip side," Chris said patting my shoulder, he must have followed Magnus and Alec from the room.

Clary stood up I could feel her looking up at me, "Be good Jace, I'll see you the minute you're well enough for visitors. Okay?" Clary asked, her small voice quivering.

"Of course Clary, I'll be looking forward to it."

Clary went to kiss my cheek, but decided against it and planted a firm kiss on my lips. I was to taken aback to do anything but make a shocked little 'humph' and smile. I heard Clary get her things and leave.

A.P.O.V

"I just feel so bad for him, he's been through so much, makes you wonder if it's worth it. I heard the doctor saying that the chemo might not even work in shrinking the tumor to an appropriate size," Magnus said as we walked to the car.

"I dunno, he's strong. A solder, he'll pull through, his kind always do."

Both men turned at the sound of Clary's soft footsteps hurrying towards them. "Could I get a ride home, Jane is at her bachelorette party and Sebastian at his bachelor party," Clary asked breathlessly.

"Course' Clary," Magnus answered automatically, he pushed his spikey black hair out of his face, and smiled.

"Thanks."

We drove Clary to the house near our flat that she had just moved in to. "You gonna be okay?" Magnus asked when Clary opened her door to leave. "What with the wedding being so close, and the finally hearing for your fathers case and Jace, are you okay to be alone?"

Clary smiled, "Yeah, Hodge went through the physic evaluation already. No need to worry about me." Clary closed her door firmly and walked up to the front door. I didn't pull away until Clary was inside and had turned on a light.

I drove to the flat Magnus and I shared, "Alec, I think I want to take up that job that the publishing company offered me," Magnus said once we were inside our small flat.

I just smiled, "That's great! Maybe you'll get that book published," I winked at Magnus and patted his gelled spikes.

Magnus frowned and looked at me, "I... I want to write a book based on Clary... Do you think she... she'd go for that. Not exactly her story, but one very similar. Maybe one with magic, maybe a fairytale, yeah a fairytale..." I watched as Magnus walked over to his messily neat desk and began to scribble down his idea.

I went to shower, I couldn't help but be worried for Jace. I liked him, not in that way, but he was so charismatic and so... so lovable, that I didn't want him to get hurt. Clary would be so broken up, Jace was the only reason she started to talk again, the only reason she was released. He had to mean something to her.

I let Jace and Clary slide from my mind and toweled off before calling my brother and saying goodnight, like I did every night.

C.P.O.V

I drew Jace, it sounded creepy but I had so many little ideas following Chris' request, so I decided to make a folder using the pictures I had seen of Jace, and the things he had told me about. I would give it to Jocelyn, and make some copies for Chris.

I was home for about an hour before I noticed the note on the kitchen table. 'Clary, I know you've been preoccupied for the last couple days so I got you something, upstairs! In your room next to your dress! - Jane + Sebastian'

Curiosity getting the better of me walked upstairs, I was shocked to find a small orange cat stretched out on my bed. Another note was on my bed, beside the pretty off-white dress Jane and I had picked out for me to wear the wedding in less than a weeks' time.

'His name is Ginger, not the most manly thing but he was named by the four year old we met at the pet shop, so enjoy! He's 6 years old and came from an abused home, he just wants love :( so happy birthday! We'll have cake tomorrow!- Love Jane.'

I smiled down at the orange cat and stroked his back, "Hello Ginger," Ginger meowed as if to say hello, I picked him up and brought him downstairs, the cat fell asleep in my arms. When I set him down he imminently jumped up and curled into my lap, the smile that spread across my face must have been a bright goofy grin, but Ginger purred and started to snore like cats do.

I drew the cat, before turning the TV on and watching some show about ancient civilizations.

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><p><strong>Thank you all so much for sticking with me and staying with this story, I really apreaciate it. Also, to the reviewer who decided to call me Stupid, and a bitch...I'd just like to say fuck off, if you have an opnion like that please pm, or just stop fucking reading. I am not stupid, infact its quite the oppsite, i'm very smart and if you would like to question my intelligance then pm me and we can take it up there, but if you want to leave a review saying im destroying the world I want you to consider your life, and make sure that you are fucking perfect. That you haven't spelled anything wrong ever and that you shit rainbows. If not, then stop. Everyone who's been encouraging and kind, I thank you. All the chapters pervious to this have been edited to the standards of those who poop rainbows, sooo yeah. I swear that i will update soon. Maybe i'll prove that i'm not destroying the world. But enough.<strong>

** So In all, I'm writing the next chapter, and it will be posted soon, all past chapters are edited now.**

** Carry on my Wayward sons!**

** I promise to update soon.**

** -Love M XD 3**


	8. Chapter 8: Wishing for the best

**Here you are. The newest chapter. Enjoy. If you have any prolems with me or the story wither 1. Go the fuck away or 2. take it up with me personally. No one told you to read, and to those of you who are faithful and kind thank you. I was considering ending this story, I haven't really made up my mind on what to do. Origionally I was going to have about 10-20 more chapters, but if i'm not getting a good responce i'm going to just end it. So Review, or Pm. Whichever, you choose. Enjoy.**

Disclamer: I don't own any charecters you know.

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><p>I smiled as Jane moved down the aisle, her long hair was curled down her back and covered by her veil. Jane wore her beautiful dress- it was tight until the waist where it flowed out into a pretty skirt- and heals, making her taller. She was so beautiful it was impossible to take your eyes of her.<p>

Jane's father walked her down the aisle and I saw her mother across from where I sat, dabbing at her eyes with a linen handkerchief. She looked very much like Jane, it was easy to see were Jane got her looks from.

I watched as Jane was passed off from her father to Sebastian and Jane's dad took his seat. They wrote their own vows which were adorable. As he was reading his Sebastian started to tear up and muttered something about being allergic to the air pressure or something ridicules like that. It was adorable.

I couldn't help but be reminded of the scared blond haired boy who used to take care of me when I was young and hurt. He had grown up to be everything he wanted to be. A fantastic doctor, a loving husband, hopefully a father. I wanted nothing more than for Sebastian to have adorable little kids, ones that he could raise right, not the way we were raised.

We all rose as Jane and Sebastian left the church, Jane gave me a big smile as she walked past me. Chris Wayland was at my side, he was watching the scene with a small smile, "Always knew he'd be the first to get married," Chris said. I had found out that Chris and Sebastian had been a part of the same group of friends.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" I asked Chris as we walked to cocktail area. "Nope, my girlfriend left me for her boss," Chris winced a bit and took a tall glass from a passing waiter.

"Sorry to hear that," I said quietly. "What are you to Jace?" Chris questioned.

I sipped at my drink a bit, thinking that over, "I'm not really sure, once he's better. Once he isn't so sick I think... I don't know. I'll leave it up to him," I said. Chris nodded and smiled down at me. He didn't have the same look as Jace, the same carefree smile, he was different.

The night passed in a blur, cocktail hour ended and we went to have dinner, followed by dancing. It was a lot of fun. I couldn't remember the last time I'd really had fun. I danced with Chris and some of Jane's friends, but I couldn't help but worry about Jace.

A little after nine Chris asked me if I wanted to leave with him, I nodded and went to go find Sebastian and Jane, telling them that I was leaving. That I'd see them in a week. They were leaving right from the reception to the airport. I drove to the hospital, I only had my beginners but we found that I was a pretty good driver. Better than Sebastian expected anyway.

I slipped off my shoes when we got into the hallway, so the loud clicking wouldn't disturb anyone. Room 723. I was so used to the walk down the hall to Jace's room that I could do it in my sleep. Chris was walking beside me, "Do...Do you think you could do a picture of my whole family... even those who're gone?"

"I think I could do that," I said. Jonathan senior and junior. Christopher, Jace and Jocelyn. I imagined that Jonathan sir would have looked a lot like Jace and Chris did now, they would have been a really attractive family.

When we entered the room Jocelyn was talking quietly to Jace, "Yes Jace, she said she'll come too."

"But she was...was at a wedding," Jace said quietly. I coughed making our presence known.

I looked at Jace, I hadn't seen him in a week as he'd been in isolation so he wouldn't get any germs or anything from outside people. His face was drawn and pale, he was as thin as I'd ever seen him. The only thing that was the same about him was the bright alive look to his Tawny eyes when he turned to look at me.

"Hey Jace," I said softly.

"How was the wedding? Why didn't you stay?" Jace questioned. Chris took his seat beside the bed and I sat on the edge of the bed.

"It was a beautiful wedding, but it really wasn't my kind of thing. All those people," I said. I patted Jace's hand carefully, so I wouldn't disturb the needle in it from the IV.

Jace sighed, "Wish I could have seen it." We found out that the tumor was pressing against his optic nerve and the part of the brain that controls his movements below the waist.

"How do you feel?" I asked Jace softly.

"Tired, like I belong in a coffin rather than a hospital bed. I have five more sessions," Jace said.

"Don't say that Jace," Jocelyn scolded in a drawn voice, before she got up and ran from the room.

Jace looked confused, "I'll be right back," I said, stopping Chris from getting up. I followed Jocelyn's path down the hall to the waiting room, she sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs with her face hidden in her hands.

I dropped to my knees in front of him, "I just can't deal... it's just so much," She said.

"Seeing him like that reminds you of your husband, and of your other son?" I asked.

"It's not Jace's fault, but it's just so difficult, he's always made light of his pain and made jokes when he was sick. But...death. It's just so... I can't lose him too, he and Chris are all I have left."

"When was the last time you were home Jocelyn?" I asked.

She shrugged, "Go home, get some shower, get sleep."

Jocelyn nodded and went back to the room, "Chris will you take me home?" She asked quietly.

I could see Jace's head turn to where his mother and Chris were talking. I took Jocelyn's seat and watched them carefully. Chris stood up and nodded, "We'll be back tomorrow Jace," Chris said, "You need a ride Clary?"

I saw Jace's face fall, "Nah, I'll catch a cab home in a bit. I'll just be home alone anyway."

"Okay, by dear," Jocelyn kissed my cheek as she grabbed her coat off the chair I was sitting on. "See you later Jocelyn."

I waited until Jocelyn and Chris were gone to look at Jace. His eyes were in my general direction, "If you want to leave you can," Jace said, "I'll just.. sleep some more."

I got up and sat on the edge of his bed again, so Jace would know where I was, "If I wanted to leave I would have Jace, I missed you." I picked up Jace's good hand and smiled down sadly at him.

A small smile crossed Jace's lips, "I missed you too Clary," He said, "I just want to leave this place."

"You will when your better," I said , "Then you can move in with your mother and Chris, or find your own apartment."

Jace shifted in his bed and winced, "Tell me about your future Clary," Jace said, "What you want."

"I want to have a nice house, and a family maybe. I want to be able to have people see my drawings and love them. I.. I really just want something stable."

Jace's face was sad, "When I get out of here, do...do you think that you'd maybe like to go on a date?"

"I'd like nothing more Jace," I said. I couldn't help but smile. "You should get some sleep though, I'll be back to see you tomorrow. After my road test."

Jace smiled a bit, "Good luck," He said. I kissed Jace on the cheek, "You know, I'm considering going into chemo more often, get better kisses," Jace smirked at his own joke.

"Oh hush," I kissed his forehead before I left the room. I was about halfway down the hall when I realized that I'd forgotten my shoes.

When I got back to the room Jace was crying quietly, "Jace!" I made my way to his bed, "What's wrong?"

Jace wiped his eyes on the back of his hands and his eyebrows furrowed, "Just couldn't get enough of me eh?" He asked with a thick voice.

"What is it Jace?" I persisted.

Jace sighed and took my hand, "I just want to be normal, to not have met you the way I did. But maybe through Sebastian, maybe in classes. I just want us, to be normal."

I couldn't help but chuckle a bit, "Even the people who meet in the worst places find the best in life," I said, "We don't have to be normal. You're you, I'm me and we're us. That's all that matters." I kissed Jace's lips lightly, "I promise to be by in the morning."

Jace nodded and sunk back into his pillows, "G'night Clary."

"Night Jace."

I picked up my shoes and left the floor, catching a cab outside. Ginger was at the door greeting me when I got to the house. After eating an apple and checking the phone messages I decided that bed would be a good idea, so I would be well rested for my driving test the following morning.

I.P.O.V

"Izzy," Simon said, "Would you ever consider maybe.. moving in with me?"

I was a little taken aback by Simon's forwardness. He was never one to say something outright like that, more like beat around the bush until all the berries were squished. I smiled, "I think finding a place of our own would be nice. Neither of our places ate built for two really."

I looked around my small one bedroom apartment, I'd lived in it since I moved away from home. Maybe it was time for a change. "Does the fact that your parents would hate me bother you?" Simon blurted out.

"I don't care what my parents think. After what they did to Alec and I, they're nothing to me."

Simon took that answer and turned his attention back to the movie we were watching, but I was lost in the memory of the last time I talked to my parents...

_Alec and I had grown up in a big house just outside of the city, we'd always had the best of everything. That's the way my mother and father made it. Both high profile lawyers who were away more often than not. We were raised mostly by a nanny or stay in housekeeper, Maria. She always said that she wanted to help people, that's what sort of paused Alec and I into nursing._

_I had been seventeen, Alec nineteen and our younger brother Max was fourteen the night of the fight. Alec and I decided to sit our parents down and tell them everything together. I'd just graduated High school and Alec had just returned from a European trip. _

_We sat them down in the living room and built up our courage, "Mum, Dad, we want to tell you that we're both going into Nursing," Alec said._

_My mother's expression darkened, "Why would you do that, the pay isn't enough and the work is to much. It's a useless profession."_

_"Mum, we've been thinking this over for a long time and we just want to help," I started, but I was cut off by my father, "Who helped you with this decision?" He demanded, "Well? Who put the idea in your heads that Nursing would be a good job. For generations this family has had wealth and stability, and you two want to throw that away for helping people?"_

_"Well teachers at school and Maria, and my boyfriend reall..."_

_Alec froze as did our parents, Alec said the 'boyfriend' word. Alec had been in the closet since the beginning of his teens, and while in Europe he'd bet a guy and the two started dating, Alec hadn't meant to spill that just yet._

_"Boyfriend?" My father whispered, "My son is a faggot!? Explains why you won't go into a real profession, too much of a pansy to do any work!" My father roared, he was at his feet, color raising in his face._

_"DON'T CALL ME A FAGGOT," Alec yelled. In all the years I'd spent with Alec, I'd never heard him yell like that, nor would I ever again, "It's a good job. We'll make good money, and we won't end up stuck up, pompous, argent, assholes like our parents!"_

_My father hit Alec hard across the face, My mother and I stood up, she to go to my father's side and I to Alec's, "Both of you have two weeks to find a place to live. Neither of you will live under this roof, not while my son is a faggot and my daughter a hussy. Away!" My father said._

_I helped Alec to his feet and we packed our things. We found an apartment and were gone in two weeks. I hadn't spoken to my father since then, but I'd spoken to my mother, in a brief plea-on her end- for me to step back into their lives. I refused. Alec was my brother and It was my job to protect him, no matter who was older. _

I must have fallen asleep on the couch because when I woke up I was in my bed, fully clothed, with a blanket thrown over me and Simon nowhere to be found. I thought about how lucky I was to have found Simon as I made my coffee. He wasn't my usual type but I was glad I'd given him the chance, I could picture Simon and myself together for a long, long time. That thought made me happy.

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><p><strong>Let me know what you think, and i'll update fast. As many reviews as possiable would be nice. <strong>


	9. Chapter 9: Imaging sleep

**Hello, it's been forever. So sorry that it's been forever. I promise not to wait so long. If there is anyone still reading this please review. More reviews faster i'll update. I've already started the newest chapter. I promise new updates soon. Just school and stuffs. Either way! Enjoy!**

**Disclamer:I don't own anything, im just playing.**

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><p>C.P.O.V<p>

I sat with Jace and watched as he was attempting to put his shoes on, "Clarissa, are you really going to let me struggle any longer?" Jace asked with a quirked smile.

"You're the one who insisted on doing it,"I smiled before dropping to my knees and helping him with the slipper shoes, "Make an on your knees joke and im going to let you wander into traffic," I said with a knowing smile.

I knew that Jace wanted to roll his eyes, but they still werent working at top function, "Don't you have anything better to do on a Saturday?" Jace asked as I helped him into his wheel chair.

I snorted, "Come on now Jace, I have no friends," I smiled, "Becides there's no one i'd rather be with," I said giving his shoulder a pat.

"You have Magnus, Alec, Isabelle, Chris, Simon," Jace said listing off the people he knew I spent time with, "Well you only spend time with Chris because he's always at my bedside bt that's okay. You danced with him at the wedding so im coating that."

Jace wore black pants and a grey t-shirt, his white shoes and the grey hat that covered his head. "So when do you go in for your surgery?" I asked as I pushed Jace out of the hospital.

"I have one more radiation session, and acording to the M.R.I's the tumor should be small enough to remove. So pretty much I could before home by christmas." I heard the smile in Jace's voice.

"I hope so," I said quietly, "What do you want to do?"

I could hear Jace's sad sigh, "I'd like to go home. Lay in my own bed and then have a normal life. But no, clearly not an option. So I'd like to sit down somewhere with you and talk," Jace said.

"Sure thing Blondie," I said as I pushed Jace into an outdoor area where paitents could sit. I stopped Jace beside the bench so he was free to get out of the chair if he pleased, I knew he hated to sit in it.

Jace took my hand as we sat there, "What will your life look like by early December Clary?" He asked as we sat there in the early october air.

"Well I'll have an apartment, a car, a cat. I'll be working at a publishing company. I'll be the daughter of a convicted murderer and child rapist. I'll be a graduated arts major. For the first time ever I will have a semi-normal life."

I watched as a smile spread across Jace's lips, "Any room in there for a recovering cancer patient who you met in the physic ward before you talked to people?" Jace asked with a twitch of his lips.

"I do believe there is. As long as he is really attractive," I said.

"Well look no further, red," Jace said, "You've got you a very sexy man in a wheel chair right here."

"How is your family paying for the hospital bills Jace?" I asked, suddenly realizing that for most families an extended stay would be a lot of money.

"The government is paying some, as am a vet. My family also has a bit of money, no where near the Morgenstern family, but still something," Jace said with a small smile.

He knew I was rather uncomfortable about the amount of money that was in my family. With my father confirmed for the death penalty, residing in death row and drawing up his final will and testimate a lot of the money would be coming to me and Sebastian. Even though we both had money.

"I got a job," I said as we sat there, Jace drawing circles on the back of my hand.

"Where are you working?" He asked turning his head towards me.

"At the publishing company Jane works at. They hired me on full time as an animators assistant. It really means that i'll be going for his coffee, but he wants me to help him. So i'll be drawing up comic books!" I could barely contain my excitement.

"Thats amazing," Jace said smiling down at me. He still looked pale, and he was skinnier then he was before, but his smile was genuine and his hands were steady. "You'll do great. Where's your new apartment?"

"About a block away from here," I said looking at our intertwined hands, "I figured I could be over if you ever needed anything fast, or if they released you, you could stay close to the hospital."

Jace was facing me, I knew that his vision was partly back but not completely. I would look blurry but able to be seen well enough, "That was kind of you to think of me. Are you sure you don't want to be somewhere else?"

"I'm very sure Jace," I said, "There isn't anyone i'd rather be with. You make my day," I admitted quietly.

"Well the only people I ever see are my nurses, mother and Chris. You definitely are the best part of my day," Jace said, "How could I not be, I am incredibly georgus."

I turned to see a pretty nurse walking towords us, she held two steaming cups, "Hey Iz," I said smiling at the tall dark haired woman who sat beside me. "Hello Isabelle," Jace said after thanking her for the steaming cup she handed him.

"Are we still on for later Clary?" Isabelle asked after handing me a cup.

"Of course," I said, "I'll be in Jace's room. So you can meet me there."

Isabelle nodded and stood up, before stretching, "Do you have an elastic?" She questioned. I slipped one off my wrist and flung it at her, she caught it easily and stuck her tongue out at me before going back towards the hospital, muttering about brakes.

"What are you and Isabelle doing?" Jace asked quietly.

I smiled took a swig of the really hot tea - effectivly burning my tongue and looked at Jace, "She's helping me pick things out for my apartment, as her brother will be rooming with me."

"What happened with Alec and Magnus?"

I chuckled, "Not Alec, their younger brother Max. Neither Alec or Iz have enough space in their apartments for another person. I needed a roommate. We figured it would be a good trade."

"How old is he?"

I smiled at the sound of the protectiveness in Jace's voice, "He's seventeen, fresh out of highschool, and not my type." I patted Jaces knee with my free hand

"Good to know, does Isabelle have a boyfriend?"

I cocked an eyebrow, "Didn't know you liked tall and beautiful," I muttered. "No no no, I was curious. If that guy who you know is friends with her or her boyfriend," Jace said quickly.

"Simon is her boyfriend. But he was my friend first," I said with a smile, "Are you cold? Do you want to go back inside?" I asked when I saw him shiver.

"If you don't mind?" Jace asked looking down at his feet.

I lent him my arm so he could get back in his chair, "Why don't you have a boyfriend or anything Clary? Why aren't you going for Chris or someone. You aren't waiting around for me are you?" Jace asked when we got back to his room.

I helped Jace into his bed and sat on the edge. "I don't have a boyfriend because I just got out of a mental hospital, not the biggest attractor. I couldn't date Chris because he looks like you and doesn't have your personality. Yes I am waiting around for you. Because I can, because you're worth the wait," I said softly.

I took Jace's hands, "You helped me through insanity. I promised you that I would come back, im here. Im going to help you through this."

Jace met my eyes his were watery, "Solders don't cry," He said with a curse. "Yes but people who are in constant pain and battling cancer do," I said giving Jace's hand a small squeeze.

"Will...will you lay down with me? I know your going out with Izzy, but I won't get to see you for a while. A week or so," Jace said looking down at his lap.

I nodded and waited for him to lay down and I allowed Jace to draw me into his chest. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and I laid my head on his chest. The only person i'd ever laid like this with was Sebastian, when I was a small kid.

After a moment I knew Jace had fallen asleep by the steady calmness to his breathing. I heard the steady click of shoes on the hospital floors, Sebastian peeked into the room and smiled. He didn't realize I was awake so he pulled out his phone and took a picture.

"Still documenting everything?" I asked with a smirk.

Sebastian nodded and walked over to the bed, "How's he doing?" Sebastian asked.

"Good as he can," I said softly, "How are you and Jane doing?" I hadn't been over as much, giving them some space.

"We're doing well, what are you doing tonight?"

I smiled, "I'm going out shopping for the apartment with Isabelle, then I believe she's taking me to Simon's performance. Max is coming too," I smiled.

"Well you're invited over for dinner tomorrow, Jane also wants to go out for coffee tomorrow afternoon with you. Said she had some things to discuss. But she'll talk to you when she gets away from her mother."

I chuckled, "Okay. I shall see you tomorrow then," I smiled and closed m eyes, only meaning to blink but the tiredness took over and my eyes stayed closed.

I was woken up by voices of others. Jace was talking to Isabelle. "Hey sleepy," JAce said looking down at me, "Isabelle is here to take you away." Jace was joking but I could hear the slight sadness in his tone.

I sat up, "I'll meet you outside Clary," Isabelle said with a knowing smile.

I looked down at Jace, "You focus on staying strong. I'll come back the second i'm allowed. Call me if you need anything. I will be here in ten minutes," I kissed his cheek looking at him seriously.

"Yes Clary, I will do all of that," Jace said, "Can I call you tonight before I go in?"

"Of course," I smiled. I kissed Jace again but this time on the lips. It was longer then before and I pulled away first. Jace dropped his hand from my face and frowned. "Bye Clary," He said sadly.

It was heartbreaking to see his golden eyes so filled with sadness. He was so strong and to see him like this, broken, hurt and sad was brutal. I wanted to make it better. I'd admit I didn't know Jace as well as some people, but I wanted to get to know him. I didn't want things to end before they had a chance to start.

"Call me whenever you can. If i don't answer call back. Don't worry about bothering me," I said to Jace. I kissed Jace once more before I left the hospital room. Isabelle was in the waiting room. She wore a pale pink dress with white polka dots, paired with black combat boots, she looked beautiful as always.

"How do you always look so pretty?" I asked.

Isabelle rolled her eyes at me and looked down at herself, "This is nothing. If you let me go through your closet we wouldn't have this problem," Isabelle said, "We should go shopping. Not just apartment furniture shopping."

I laughed at her, "Decore first, we can re-do my large closet later. For now getting me a bed is a good idea," I said.

As of right now my apartment was pretty bare looking. Only having beds and dressers. We had a couch. But it looked so plain that Isabelle decided to intervene. "Does Max want any input on the apartment? Or do you know what he wants?"

Isabelle smiled and started from the hospital, "He already specified what he wanted. I know my brothers well."

I smiled at Isabelle, "I take it you will be dressing me?" I asked. We walked to my car before I started off towards Ikea.

"So we just need some decorations and stuff, to make your apartment look less like an asylum room and more like a regular room."

I just nodded. I knew Isabelle would have her way for most of the things for the apartment. Clary was sure that her and Magnus had talked last night on coordinating the appearance of the apartment. I decided to let Isabelle have her way, it was the easiest.

S.P.O.V

"I'm really proud of Clary," Jane said as we ate, "She got right on her feet."

I nodded in agreement, "She's got a job with the comic book maker, got a car, apartment. If it weren't for that Jace she'd be perfect."

Jane looked at me with raised eyebrows, "Why don't you like Jace? He's a perfectly good man." I looked at my new wife and smiled sadly.

"Jace is a great man, one of the best I know. He's just so sick. I've been consulting on his case and i've been asked to perform the surgery in a months time. It's a long shot. I kinda wish she would go for Chris, or someone else completely. She is fragile, she'll deny it up and down. But I know my sister better then an..."

"No Seb," Jane said, taking my hand, "She's strong. Jace made her strong. The two of them help each other. They're good for each other. He needs her."

I felt something touch my feet and looked down to see Clary's cat, Ginger, looking up at me. "Is Clary taking Ginger home tomorrow?" Jane asked.

"Probably," I shrugged, "Never know with my baby sister."

Jane looked at me, her eyes held love and kindness. I loved her so much, more then anyone i'd ever loved in my life. I never had really been allowed to love anything in my life. Other then Clary, Jane was the only person in my life who I loved. My baby sister and my love. I smiled.

"Have I mentioned that I love you more then anything ever?" I asked Jane. She rolled her eyes at me, but blushed.

"I love you too, Sebastian, more then you'll ever know."

C.P.O.V

Isabelle and I sat at bar stools, watching Simon and his band playing on the stage. They had a full crowd and sounded good. Not just moderately non-ear bleeding good, but I could listen to these guys for an extended period of time good.

"I told you they were good," Isabelle said to me quietly over her drink. I just nodded. I wasn't old enough to drink, not that i would anyway, drinking anymore then a little bit wasn't recommended with my medications.

I felt my phone go off in my pocket and excused myself from the bar. Making my way outside. "Hello?" I asked, shivering from the crisp september air.

"Hi, Clary," Jace said quietly.

"Hi Jace, What's going on?" I asked, worry creeping into my voice.

Jace chuckled, "Nothing. They decided not to do the radiation or something until after my next M.R.I, they think it's small enough to remove. But that's not the point... Are you busy?"

"No i'm just at a bar with Isabelle, but I was planning to leave soon. Want me to bring you food or something?"

"I just wanted to see you," Jace said sadly, "But if your offering food too. This hospital food is gross." I heard a tisk in the background and a nurse muttering about ungrateful blondes in a joking way.

"I'll be over in a bit then, and i'll bring food. Just gotta go tell Isabelle i'm leaving. See you soon, Jace."

Jace said bye and hung up the phone. I went into the bar and told Isabelle about Jace, she told me to go to him before I had a chance to say I wanted to. Isabelle promised to come see me the following night.

I left the bar and went to my car, a small silver car, and started towards a chinese food place. One where I had gotten food for Jace multiple times. After getting different foods I went to my apartment, to change from the skirt Isabelle insisted I wear, into a pair of jeans, converse and the grey high school football sweater that said Herondale #13 on the back in black writing, 'Jace' was written on the arm. I had borrowed it from Jace on one of my many visits.

I went back out to my car, feeling the food that was still warm. It was only a five minute drive from the hospital, fifteen minute walk. Once I reached the hospital I walked into the front desk. The nurses at the station cocked an eyebrow at me and I took a container out of my bag and slid it into the bag. They smiled and waved me on. All the nurses knew me from Isabelle, Alec and Sebastian. They let me go see Jace after hours all the time. I'd often go get them coffee or food for them.

I walked into Jace's room to find him sitting in front of his window, shoulders slumped. "Jace, whats wrong?" I asked him, sitting the food on his bed. I dropped to my knees at Jace's side.

"Whats wrong is that I'm so useless. I'm nothing more then a sick man who is nothing but sick. Even if they can cure the cancer I'll need months of phys therapy. I'll have to go to school for something again. I don't even know what I want to do with my life," Jace paused, "If i have one."

I sat gently on Jace's lap, and took both of his hands in mine, "You will have a future. You will be fine. Jace," I looked into his tawny eyes, "It will be rough for a while. But you'll go back to school, you'll get a good job. Have a family. You're strong Jace, you're a fighter."

Jace looked into my eyes, studying me carefully. "Will you stay with me? Not just tonight, through my recovery," Jace asked. He'd droped his eyes, "Its a lot to ask, I shouldn't. I'm sorry."

I waited until Jace looked at me again, "I'll be here as long as you want me," I smiled, "Now let's get food before it gets cold."

I slid off of Jace's lap and helped him to his feet, he leaned heavily on my shoulder as we took the eight steps to his bed, Jace was tired when he reached his bed but against his pillows and smiled at me. "Thank you," Jace said. I didn't ask for an explanation, I just smiled.

Once we had eaten the food I brought Jace laid down and looked at me with sad eyes, I smiled a bit at his puppy dog look. "Think we'd get in trouble if I laid down, and maybe fell asleep?" I asked.

Jace quickly shook his head and opened his arms to me, I slipped off my shoes and rested my head on his chest, "You look good in my sweater," Jace said, "Look good all the time."

I smiled and made myself comfortable. After a little while, when Jace was asleep I heard someone walk into the room, felt a blanket be draped over us and the lights were shut off. I didn't know who it was but I smiled a bit. I let sleep wash over me, for a moment I almost forgot that I was in a hospital, to imagine that I was just in bed with Jace, like any other night.

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><p><strong>hope you liked. Review or PM, I like both :) <strong>

**xoxo**

** carry on my wayward sons 3 -M**


	10. Chapter 10: Life and Death

**I really hope you guys don't hate me. I know its been a looooong time, and I'm so so sorry. Things have been busy, but with summer approaching I promise to update more. This chapter isn't very long, but its something. Also if anyone would be interested in bata-ing for me that would be lovely! :) **

**PM, and Review please! The more I get the faster I'll post, lets try for maybe five to ten reviews and i'll post, doesn't seem unreasonable! Enjoy!**

**Disclamer: I own no characters that are from the Mortal Insturments series, I wish I did. **

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><p>C.P.O.V<p>

"Clary, whats wrong?" Julian asked as he looked over my shoulder, "You're not focused on your work."

I looked at the 27 year old man in the beanie who was sipping a caramel latte, "My...Jace he's in for his last M.R.I. right now, he goes in for his surgery in three days. I'm worried. We want him home by Christmas," I said,

"It's December third, what took him so long to get into surgery?" Julian asked cocking a gingery eyebrow.

"The tumor wasn't small enough to operate on, then he had a bit of time when he wasn't strong enough to live through the surgery. Then he needed more treatment. It happened three times where he wasn't well enough when it was surgery time. I...we almost lost him once," I took a steadying breath, "But my brother is operating on him. Jace has one shot. The treatments aren't working anymore."

Julian put a hand on my shoulder, "I'm so sorry to hear that Clary," He said, "From what I know about Jace he's strong, he's a survivor. He will pull through," Julian took his seat at the long desk he shared with me, "Boss wants to see you, but once your done you can leave. Go see Jace."

I smiled at him before standing up. I had started out as Julian's assistant. Just getting pencils sharpened, and fetching his coffee but I quickly moved up to be his apprentice. I was working on things by myself, consulting on his projects. I'd worked for almost four months, making comic books. Doing poster designs, movie and book covers. It was amazing. My dream. I graduated with an arts degree. I was proud of myself.

I made my way up to the top floor, passing Jane as I went by, she was patting her stomach and talking to another receptionist, Jane was just showing in her pregnancy. Jane and Sebastian couldn't be more happy about it, I was happy for Sebastian and Jane. They would make good parents, that kid would be spoiled.

I knocked on Tom Doran's door, he was the main executive of the company and one of the nicest people out there. "Julian said you wanted to see me?" I asked when Tom hollered for me to come into the room.

"Clary," Tom said, "You have been doing an exceptional job. I know you graduated and are done with school and I'd like to offer you a full time position with benefits, a higher pay and well, you get to work with famous people. Julian is taking a step down to spend more time with his little boys so we need someone to fill his spot. If you think you can handle the extra stress then I'd love for you to take up the spot as our main... um Julian's job."

I was taken aback, I hadn't worked for them long and there were other artists who had held their positions for ten times as long as I have. It was crazy to think that I would be the head artist. "I can't say no to that, it's my dream job," I said quickly, "What hours will I be working?"

"Seven to five usually. Except on Thursdays when you have your appointments so seven to four. Also you can have this week off, I know its a stressful one for you. We have no projects in so you're free," Tom smiled at me, "Have a good week Clary."

"Thank you so much Tom, you won't regret this choice. I'll see you on Monday," I smiled before leaving his office.

"What was that Clary?" Jane asked from behind her desk.

"I was offered Julians position and given the week off," I said with a smile, "The week off is so I can be with Jace."

Jane nodded and moved to hug me, I gave her a hug before I hurried over to the hospital. Only stopping to grab some Chinese food. I promised Jace i'd bring some when I was off of work. I was so proud of myself, i'd come so far in life from where I was a year ago even.

I smiled out at the snow. I pulled into the parking at the hospital, I used Alec's parking pass as he didn't own a car.

When I walked into Jace's room he was looking through my sketch book, "You know it would be a lot better if yo could see it clearly," I said as I sat on Jace's bed.

"You're off early?" Jace asked as he excepted the carton I handed him.

"Yes, I got the week off," I smiled, "I also got a promotion. Im the new main, person thingy. It's a big deal apparently. It just means I get to draw cooler things really."

"I'm so glad to hear that Clary!" Jace said brightly, around a mouth of mushu pork. "So proud of my little mute."

I stuck my tongue out at Jace and we just sat there until visiting hours were over talking about random things. Jace also had me sketch out my apartment and cat so he could know what they looked out.

When I got home finally Max and Ginger were sitting on the couch watching discovery channel. My cat actually watched tv, he seemed to be rather intelligent. Although that could always just be me going crazy. I laughed to myself, I used the word crazy so easily, despite the fact that i was certifiably crazy. Kind of funny.

"Hey Clary!" Max said with a bright smile. He was in university, studding law. He was tall and lean, with messy black hair and blue eyes. Much like Alec.

"Hey Max, how are things?" I asked when I plopped down on the couch beside him.

Max smiled at me, "Better. Things are finally good. I still really appreciate you letting me live here."

"No problem Max," I said ruffling his hair, "I owe Alec and Izzy my life. Their like family to me now, I like having a roommate anyway. You always make sure I take my meds and that I get home okay, and check up on me if im sick."

"Its the least I could do," Max said with a shrug. He continued to pet Ginger. "I'm going to bed," Max said after a while, he smiled and walked down to his room.

Ginger came and sat in my lap, demanding all of my attention. After a little while of tv Ginger and I went to my bedroom to sleep. I slept curled in a ball while Ginger slept beside my head in a protective way, he was a very good cat.

A.P.O.V

"How's Max like it now that he isn't living with your parents?" Magnus asked as we ate dinner.

"He loves it, gets along very well with Clary too. They make a good match. Both are quiet, barely home and like cats."

"Iz seems to be happy as well," Magnus said, "I saw her flat, it's nice."

"I saw it too, she seems to be really happy with Simon."

Magnus looked up at me, his eyes glittering, "Are you happy Al?"

I couldn't help but smile at my boyfriend, "Of course I am Mags," I said. I was happier than I had ever been. Steady job, good friends, lovely boyfriend. I had it all.

"Good," Magnus said, "Me too."

After dinner we went to see the new super hero movie, when I got out I was surprised to find that I had seventeen missed calls. Nobody ever called me.

They were all from Isabelle, that worried me. Isabelle answered my call on the first ring.

"Whats wrong is it Jace?" I asked, knowing he'd gone into his surgery earlier in the day.

"No," Isabelle said breathlessly, "There's been an accident."

I froze, considering who could have gotten hurt. Max, Clary, Sebastian, Jane, maybe even my parents. My heart dropped to my feet.

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><p><strong>And a cliff hanger, dont hate me! Review and you'll find out what happens! Hope you liked!<strong>

**xoxo- M**


	11. Chapter 11: I knew I loved her

**Hey there guys! So sorry that it's been a while. But here we are, the new chapter! I promise that i'll try to update asap, but I'm leaving on Sunday for a trip so it will probably be after that! But I hope you enjoy this one and I want to hear ALL of your thoughts, leave a PM or A review, both make me very very happy.**

** A Simon point of view was requested and I did my best to put one in this chapter, sorry if it isnt as good as the others I wrote it in 3 hours. But here you are!**

** Disclamer! I own nothing just playing around.**

** Review and PM**

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><p>Sebastian point of view.<p>

I paced back and forth, waiting for some news, some news about my sister. I fought to keep my eyes open but I had to know if Clary was okay. I'd just done a marathon 8 hour surgery on Jace, removing all of the tumor. Hopefully fixing him up.

"Sebastian," Isabelle said softly from behind me, "Go home. Be with Jane. Alec, Simon, Magnus and I are here. I'll call you with the first thing we hear. My brother is in there too, I know what you're feeling."

I allowed the tall woman to give me a hug before I went to Jace's recovery room. He was knocked out and would be for the next couple of hours, but he was stable. All the tests they'd been running on him showed that he was doing well. I was proud of the job i'd done with Jace. It was my longest procedure to date and I handled it well.

Of course it was spoiled by the news that my baby sister was in surgery trying to save her life after an accident that had already claimed three lives. Clary had been driving Max to Isabelle's house; where they were having dinner, when an 18 wheeler lost control and slammed into two cars. One containing Clary and Max, another a young family who were all dead except the oldest daughter. Clary had sustained a major head trauma, I wanted to be the one to preform her surgery but they wouldn't let me.

I drove home very carefully, when I got there Jane was asleep on the couch, her hands protectively on her stomach and facing the news coverage of the accident. I picked Jane up easily and carried her upstairs to our bed. Once she was safely in bed I went downstairs to watch the news report.

"I'm here on the scene of a horrific accident where a truck lost control in the intersection of South and 5th street. The damage has been devastating. The truck lost control and swerved into oncoming traffic, The first car, an 2006 Station wagon was struck first and flipped over; three of the four people in the car were pronounced dead on the scene and the fourth is in critical condition. The truck continued on and hit a 2013 Toyota Yaris. It would have it the car on the passengers side but the driver of the car, a young woman named Clarissa Morgenstern, jerked the wheel so her passenger wouldn't get the blunt of the impact. Both are undergoing surgery for the injuries they sustained in the crash, stay tuned for more information on this horrific crash."

I sighed to myself and went up to bed. I was proud of Clary for what she had done. It may have meant endangering herself but she may have just saved the life of Max Lightwood. I cuddled Jane close to me, wanting to keep my beautiful wife n my arms.

Simon point of view.

"How's Jace doing?" I asked Isabelle when she came back with coffee for all of us, I knew that she had gone to see Jace on the way.

"He's stable," Isabelle said as she handed me a warm drink, "Max is finally out of surgery. He's in intensive care. Clary is still on the table. She's coded twice."

Alec sat on one of the uncomfortable waiting room chairs, holding hands with Magnus. "Did you see the news report. It said that Clary swerved so Max wouldn't be hit."

"Thats Clary," I said, "She'd do anything to help someone. She's the sweetest little thing ever."

"How do you know Clary?" Alec asked.

"I used to live by her, we were friends. When she got admitted to the hospital I visited her once a week usually. Then I started to date your sister."

"I know that part," Alec smiled briefly before turning back to a frown.

I stretched my legs out and took Isabelle's hand. I gave it a small squeeze and kissed it. Isabelle gave me a kiss before going back to her pacing. I looked at Isabelle as she moved. She had her long back hair tied up in a messy knot on the top of her head. Her dark eyes held worry and sadness. She wore tight fitting jeans that fit her amazingly well and a a black hoodie with the name of the University I had gone to, MIT, written across the front of it. I never expected to get a girl like Isabelle, with me being a lanky computer dork who's best friend was in a mental hospital for about a decade.

The doors to the waiting room flew open, "Clarissa Morgenstern is out of surgery but she is in an unstable condition. Max Lightwood is stable and awake. You can go see him now."

"What about Jace Wayland?" Isabelle asked quickly before the doors closed again.

The doctor sighed, "Jace... Ah, yes. Jace. He is stable but he won't be awake for a little while. He'll most likely make it through though."

Isabelle nodded and sat down beside me, she pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. I was about to wrap my arm around her when she jumped up, "We can see Max!" She exclaimed. Isabelle, Alec, Magnus and I made our way down to the recovery rooms.

Max was lying on the bed, he looked pale and was covered in bandages. "Hey Izzy," he said when he saw his older sister walk into the room, "How's it goin?"

Isabelle sat on the side of Max's bed, "How are you feeling Max?" Isabelle ased looking down at her brother with tears in her eyes.

"I hurt Iz," max groaned, "But i'll be fine. How's Clary?"

Isabelle shook her head, "She may not make it through the night. She's coded three times."

"She was dead on the scene, but they brought her back," Max said, "She saved my life. She turned the wheel so the truck would hit me. Izzy, Alec, she saved me." Max started to drift off into a medically induced sleep, "She saved me."

Isabelle started to cry then, tears streaked a path down her beautiful face. She sprinted from the room, Alec started to follow but I stopped him, "She needs me," i said, sure of myself and that fact.

I ran after Isabelle and found her sitting on one of the snow covered stone benches outside. "Whats wrong Isabelle?" I asked after I slid her onto my lap.

"Clary is who made me pursue my career as a doctor, she once to.. wrote me a note saying that I could do it. I didn't think I was smart enough, but she believed in me. So as you know, I went back to school to get my M.D. She took my brother in as her roommate even though she didn't know him. She saved his life tonight," Isabelle said, "She's so much to so many people. I think of her as a sister, Max looks up to her- owes her his life-, Magnus accredits Clary for his recovery as well. Jace, Jace is only hear now because Clary has given him something to live for. He told me not to long ago that if he hadn't met Clary in the group room that day he would have found a way to kill himself."

I didn't really have much of a clue how much Clary had done, but it didn't surprise me. She was so lovely. I didn't want Clary to die, she had been my friend even when her life was falling apart, she kept mine together.

I started to cry to then, I held Isabelle against my chest. "She's strong," Isabelle whispered before she rested her head on my shoulder. we sat on the bench. With the snow falling around us, I realized in that moment that I was in love with Isabelle Lightwood.

"Izzy?"

"Yeah, Si?" She asked, turning her head to look at me, those dark eyes were filled with a burning fire.

"I love you."

A flush raced across her cheeks, lighting her face up with a new light, a smile spread across her lips, small but disposed of the haunted look, her eyes held her smile, "I love you too, Pumpkin."

I have Isabelle a squeeze. We stayed sitting in the snow for a while longer, neither of us feeling the cold and snow.

Jace point of View.

My eyes wouldn't open, it pissed me off to no end. I could hear them talking, the doctors, the Lightwoods, even Simon and Magnus, but I never could hear Clary's voice. I wanted more than anything to see her big green eyes, dark red curls, and her pretty smile. But my eyes wouldn't open.

"When will he wake up?" I heard Isabelle ask one of the endless days that I fought to open my eyes. I couldn't hear the response, it was muffled by the echo that it all words seemed to have.

After many many endless days I was finally able to force my eyes open, at the request of Sebastian Morgenstern.

"Jace!" He exclaimed. Sounds sounded echoey for a bit as I was getting used to being fully conscious.

"Clary," I choked, there was a tube down my throat. The nurse who stood beside Sebastian removed it. I took some breaths before trying again, "Clary." I rasped, my voice was ragged and dry.

"Jace," Sebastian put a hand on my shoulder, "There was an accident. Clary is in a coma. But you have to worry about yourself, it's what she'd want."

Everything crashed down. My mother and brother ran into the room. "How are you feeling, Jace?" Sebastian asked.

"My vision is better than its been since i've been in the hospital. My head doesn't hurt." I didn't add that my heart did.

Christopher told me what happened, how Clary had swerved to avoid killing Max Lightwood, how he was struggling with pain to do a spinal cord injury and Clary may not wake up. I wanted to cry, Clary had gotten better as I had gotten worse, then as soon as im better Clary may die. Fate was a cruel bitch. But Clary had to wake up didn't she? She had everything going for her. She was finally in a good place, she may not want me in her life as a lover, but I would have been honored to be there as a friend. If she died i'd never get to know which. I had to know. Clary had to get a chance to properly live her life. After all she had endured; she had to live.

Two weeks passed. I felt better than I had in what seemed like forever. I could see, I could walk. I felt strong. I enrolled into the police academy for January and moved into the spare bedroom at Clary's house. So I could help Max out.

I sat by Clary's bed side, holding her hand and talking to her. "It's almost Christmas, Max and I got a little tree but we've been waiting for you to come help decorate. He's doing better every day, but we miss you. Ginger too. I hope you don't mind that I moved into the spare bedroom, Max told me that you intended it to be my room if I wanted it anyway. I really miss you Clary, it's... it's like a part of me is missing when I can't see your smile, your eyes. Clary, please wake up. I need you, Clary. You're everything to me."

I rested my head on her bed, for the first time in a long time I cried. I knew that if she didn't wake up soon they'd pull the plug and i'd have to watch another person that I love be buried in the ground.

I felt a hand on the back of my head, stroking my hair. I figured it was a ghost of a memory, and that I was imagining Clary's small hand comforting me. But as it kept going I realized that I wasn't imagining anything. I lifted my head up.

Clary's big green eyes were staring back at me, welling up with tears. I pressed the nurses button frantically and three nurses ran into the room. They pushed me away from Clary but she kept her eyes locked on me. I realized I was still crying and that I whispered her name.

Once they assessed Clary I was allowed to sit beside her again. They realized that she was paralyzed from the waist down, it would take more extensive tests to figure out if she would ever walk again but she was alive and thats all that mattered.

"Jace," She said.

I placed a hand on Clary's cheek and gave her the best kiss I could muster, she was crying, I was crying It was a sappy mess from one of those stupid chick-flicks. But I didn't care. Clary was alive.

"Just so you know," Clary rasped sleepily, "I intended for your to share my room." Clary managed a wink before her eyes fell closed again.

I was filled with a whole new air, it was like someone had breathed life in me. In that moment I realized I loved her. Once her breathing was steady I kissed her forehead, "I love you," i whispered to her quietly.

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed! If any of you have any fanart that you wish to draw please please contact me, I loveeeeee Fanart. For now Review or PM.<strong>

** Carry on my Wayward sons xoxo - M**


	12. Chapter 12: Not so merry Christmas

**Hello there lovelies, hope you're well. Here is the next chapter. Sorry, I know its been to long, i'm going to write the next one asap, maybe 10 reviews? Maybe.. i'll try for that. This chapter made me cry, so i'm sorry in advance.**

** xoxo**

**Disclamer- I don't own anything, i'm just playing around :D**

**Review please, it makes me happy. **

** Also, i'll soon be posting the re-write of my H.P fanfiction, it's good, check it out maybe?**

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><p>Jace's Point of view.<p>

"I think Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was better," Clary said eyeing the tree that Max and Jace had picked out.

"Hey!" Max protested, "It had to be small enough for you to reach the top." Clary rolled her eyes and fiddled with the lights on her lap. Trying to get them untangled.

Max watched Clary with the same sad eyes that Jace did. She sat in a wheel chair, her long hair tied back and humming 'Oh Christmas tree' under her breath. Max blamed himself for Clary being paralyzed.

"I know both of you are looking at me like i'm a puppy with broken legs," Clary said, not looking up from the lights, "So stop. I'm not crippled forever. The doctors did an assessment of my spine, there's no permanent damage. They said that if I push myself I can walk again. I will walk again."

Jace nodded, "We know you will," He said. Jace was very certain that Clary would walk again she was so determined to do so how could she not. "You almost done with those lights?" Jace asked.

"Yes," Clary stuck her tongue out and handed Jace the untangled Christmas lights. Clary pushed herself from the room to go check on the cookies she'd put in the oven.

"Jace," Max whispered, "What did you get her for Christmas?"

Jace smiled and shook his head, he'd gotten Clary a necklace, which he wanted her to love. Max stood up and winced, he was going through a lot of back pain, "I don't want to go back to school," Max whined.

"Too bad Max!" Clary called from the kitchen, "You're going!"

"Yes mom," Max called back.

When Clary came back into the living room she helped Jace and Max hang the ornaments on the little tree. It stood about five feet three inches off the ground, it wasn't very plump and leaned heavily to the right side. But when all the decorations were on it, and Jace had put the star on it Clary smiled.

"This is my first Christmas in over a decade," She said. Jace had always had a Christmas, even after his father and brother died.

"We'll have to make it a good one," Max said. He put a hand on Clary's shoulder. "When do you go back to work?"

"January third. My boss wanted to give me more time off but i'd go stir crazy. I want to draw again."

"You could always draw me," Jace said with a smirk as he posed.

"Come on dorks," Clary said, "Lets go build a ginger bread house."

Jace pushed Clary into the kitchen where she'd laid everything out and helped her bring it into the living room so they could decorate it together.

Isabelle's point of view.

"Hello?" She asked, answering her phone.

"Isabelle, honey?" Isabelle froze at her mothers voice.

"Mom? .. Wh...What do you want?" Isabelle sunk to the floor of her new flat.

"It's your father," Mayrse Lightwood said, "He's had a stroke, sweety he won't.. won't make it through the night."

"I'll be there."

Isabelle called Alec as she scribbled down a note for Simon.

"I don't care how much you hate dad," Isabelle said, "We're going to say goodbye. I'm getting Max on the way. We're going to say goodbye."

Isabelle rushed from the building and got into her car. She kept her hands steady and her head clear as she drove. Max was waiting outside, he was wearing the coat Isabelle had gotten him, he'd complained that he could buy his own clothes, but Max still wore everything Isabelle picked out for him.

"What happened to him?" Max asked when she slid into the back seat of Isabelle's car.

"Mum said he had a stroke," Isabelle said as she drove to Alec and Magnus' apartment. "He won't make it through the night."

Alec too was waiting outside of his apartment for his sister. His face was cold and free of emotion, he didn't want to let his sister see his emotions.

"How's Magnus?" Max asked when Alec slid into the passenger side of the car.

A small smile passed over Alec's lips, "He's good. He's baking a pie right now for Christmas dinner." Alec's voice broke.

"The day before Christmas," Isabelle muttered, "Remember how we would get so excited on Christmas day, we'd go wake up mum and dad at five am and drag them downstairs to open the presents Santa had left us."

"Little Max being carried down the stairs by Isabelle because his chubby legs couldn't carry him fast enough for her liking," Alec said.

"The three of us sleeping by the fireplace one year so we could catch Santa coming down the chimney," Max added, with a smile in his voice.

"Dad reading us a night before Christmas and a Christmas carol before bed every year," Alec said.

Isabelle pulled into the hospital parking lot. The three Lightwoods made their way to the receptionists desk, "Robert Lightwood," Isabelle said to the woman she knew well.

"Room 176," She said, "Merry Christmas Izzy."

"And to you."

Isabelle took her brothers hands and they walked to their fathers room. They stood in the doorway and she felt as if she was ten again. The three Lightwoods always peered into their parents room cautiously, Isabelle had been the tallest at ten, Alec was thirteen but hadn't quite hit his growth spurt that would make him taller than his sister. Max was seven, short and always curious, always holding onto Isabelle and Alec so they could lead him wherever they went.

But now it was Isabelle who stood in the middle she was twenty two, and shorter than her brothers, no longer daddy's little girl. Max stood to her left, inches taller than his older sister, nineteen and fast on his way to being a lawyer, he'd always looked up to his siblings and still did. Alec stood on Isabelle's right, holding tightly onto his sisters hand, he was the oldest at twenty five, shorter than his youngest sibling but he didn't mind that, he always admired Isabelle for her attitude and ability to speak up.

The three Lightwoods walked into their fathers hospital room. He was hooked up to machines but his eyes were slightly open. The machines were making his heart beat for him.

Mayrse held her husbands hand, "Children," She said with tears streaming down her face.

Robert looked at his three children, "I'm... i'm sorry," He rasped, "I was wrong." His eyes were on Alec as he said that.

"I forgive you," Alec said as he started to cry. "I forgive you."

Alec went and took his fathers hand, Isabelle and Max joined him at their fathers bedside. "I love y...you all," Robert said thickly, "So so proud of you."

"We love you too," Isabelle said between sobs. "I'm in school to get my M.D, Max is going to become a Lawyer, Alec is settling down, he's amazing at what he does."

Roberts watery eyes turned to Alec, "Is he good to you?"

Alec nodded, "The best."

"Wish I could have met," Robert struggled with his words, he breathed heavily.

Alec squeezed his fathers hand, "Magnus is an amazing man. I'm lucky to have him."

Robert close his eyes, "Lucky to have you."

Mayrse took Alec's hand and they all sat there, they sat for what could have been minutes or hours but finally Isabelle stood up, "I'll be right back," She said as she rushed from the room.

Isabelle ran down to the gift shop, she picked up two books and hurried up to her fathers room. They had moved, but everyone was still in the room. Alec was sitting at the foot of Roberts bed, Mayrse sat by her husbands side, looking aged, Max sat in a chair beside his fathers bed, his legs stretched out. "Alec, will you?" Isabelle passed the two childrens books to her older brother. A Christmas Carol and 'Twas the night before Christmas.

Alec started with A Christmas Carol, like his father always had, reading the words to his mother, father, brother and sister.

Alec's point of view.

Alec made it through the first book before he started to cry again, Isabelle was crying from her place at Max's feet, the entire family was crying. Alec cleared his throat and read 'Twas the night before Christmas.

When he was done he close his eyes. He must have drifted off because when he woke up everyone else was asleep. Isabelle and Max shared a cot that was now in the room. Mayrse was asleep in the chair beside Roberts bed.

"Alec," His father said through the silence.

"Yes, dad?" Alec asked.

"Forgive me for what I said?"

"Of course," Alec agreed, "It was the way you were brought up. I forgive you."

Alec moved forward to take his fathers hand, "I love you Alec," Robert said.

"I love you too dad," Alec hadn't told his father he loved him since he was fourteen.

Robert nodded and close his eyes. Then his breathing stopped, Alec's eyes grew wide and flew to the heart monitor that was now showing that his father had flat-lined, "Dad? Dad?" Alec shoved at his fathers shoulder like he did when he was young, ready to open presents. "I love you."

Alec pressed the nurses button and people rushed into the room. Alec sat with Isabelle and Max, who woke up during the commotion. Alec looked at his mother, she looked barely awake.

"Mom?" He asked.

She shook her head, "He was everything to me." Mayrse clutched her chest and struggled for a breath. Her gasping caught the attention of one of the nurses who started to tend to her. The Lightwoods held hands as everything went by in a blurr. They barely registered their mother being carried away on a gurney and the doctor pronouncing their father dead.

"What happened to my mother?" Isabelle asked, finally snapping out of the trance.

"She had a heart attack, Izzy," One of the nurses said, "She's in the O.R and their doing everything they can."

Alec was aware of his phone ringing so he answered it.

"Alexander, honey, is everything okay?" Magnus asked, Alec could hear the worry in his boyfriends voice.

"My father just passed," Alec said, "Mom is in the O.R, she took a heart attack when he flat-lined."

"Want me to come down?"

"Please?"

Magnus hung up without any further comment. Alec was suddenly very aware of how lucky he was to have Magnus, the older man just knew Alec so well that he could read him like a book.

Alec, Magnus, Isabelle and Max sat in the waiting room, none were talking just waiting for the news that they new was to come.

The doctor that both Isabelle and Alec knew walked into the room, "I'm sorry," He said, "She didn't make it. Her heart just wouldn't restart."

Isabelle held her hand out to Max, "Lets' go home Max," She said through her tears.

Magnus and Alec went home as well. Magnus was silent through the whole car ride, letting everything wash over Alec.

Alec sat in their apartment, sitting beside Magnus on their bed. "Magnus," Alec said slowly, "He asked me to forgive him. He regretted pushing us away, cutting Iz and I from his life."

"Of course he did," Magnus said, "He loved you, he was proud of you. You're a wonderful man and don't ever think differently."

Alec looked at Magnus with his red rimmed eyes, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you," He said, "I love you so much Magnus."

Magnus stroked Alec's face and smiled through his tears, "I love you too Alexander Lightwood, you're the light of my life."

"Marry me," Alec said. He had never been so sure of anything or anyone in his life as he was of Magnus Bane.


End file.
